What would it take to want to live?
For me, the answer feels pretty simple: a bit extra money. I know he’ll never win, but it has been a little nice watching the increased interest in Andrew Yang’s presidential candidacy and his UBI proposal. $1000 extra per month means I wouldn’t have to get a second job. I will never have the skills needed to earn a decent living (at least, enough to support my interests). I can’t manage stress, I can’t do things quickly and efficiently. I won’t be able to claw my way out of my hole. There’s no need for someone like me in this world; what I can do well, is not economically rewarding. If I want to have nice things (well, ‘new’ secondhand clothing, a bit of travel etc), I need a second job. Hence exhaustion. Hence suicide.
I’m so tired of being worn out. Of all the effort it takes for life. In the past seven years, though I’ve been very happy at times, been very very fortunate to do some amazing things, there isn’t a single moment that if offered a pill that would give instant and painless exit, I wouldn’t have accepted it. My brain, it’s just too much to mange. Too easily over-stimulated. Can’t afford any more therapy to try to figure out how to have emotionally healthy reactions to stress in life. It’s just all unending drudgery – have to work more to afford therapy, which I need in part to come to terms with having to work so much. sigh. why bother, better just to go to sleep forever.
What would it take for you to want to live? To no longer need to visit websites like this one?
2 comments
MarinM:
Had never heard of Andrew Yang before your post, just looked him up and that is interesting indeed.
I, like you, have traveled a bit and seem my fair share of the world. I looked for something, found something else, and still feel the way I do now. What I did find, however, is that there is no point in trying to figure out why I feel the way I do. When I was gawking at a marvel of architecture, standing in the spot where greater men stood, or watching the sun set on a different landscape, I never felt any different.
I know you said that you struggle handling with stress, but as a blogger on this website I feel right in offering you the advice to just keep doing what you have been wanting to do. None of us may be happy, but at least I am me.
Of course, take that opinion with a grain of salt. The point of logging on to this website for me is to gain the perspective of individuals such as yourself and reconcile them with my views. So whatever you end up doing, I hope you find solace.
Good-luck on your journey:
– Wolf
Yes Mr Yang is rather fascinating, I see what he is doing (raising awareness of a need for UBI) as a public service. America is not prepared for the coming AI/robot/automation wave to the workforce, that’s for sure. And when it hits, there’ll be a lot more people on websites like this.
For me, what concerns/vexes me about my travel addiction, is that I do always feel great walking around and enjoying the sights and buildings and such. (I am currently teaching in central Europe as well, soooo my pay is low, but, it isn’t expensive either to take a train anywhere; ie, even this month, I have seen incredible things.)
It’s so relaxing, being awed by amazing sights and beautiful architecture. But then not long after returning, I’m not in a good headspace again. I can’t spend my life just traveling from beautiful city to beautiful countryside, unfortunately. It’s the daily grind I need to accept. I need to somehow come to terms with how my life needs to be, and that’s what’s so hard for me.
Anyway, thanks for your kind words, Wolf. I hope you get to travel soon 🙂