Who am I you may ask? How can I tell you who I am if I don’t even know myself?
I don’t know who I am today
I know who I used to be
I miss her
Her smile and determination
Her drive and passion
Here naivety
Her eyes filled with energy
That girl could dream a dream though
They were so vivid, colorful and plentiful
Today I dream the same dream over and over again, only it’s a nightmare now
It always ends in unforgiving darkness as I realize that I’m imprisoned. Chained and weighed down by the mighty unrelenting force of my own mind
But she is gone, she died a long time ago
Right now I am one in 7.5 billion, a mere blip on the horizon of all of mankind, an individual
I am the shy one, the one that’s always thinking yet never speaking
I am a girl that doesn’t know what to do with her life
I’ve heard someone say to follow the life of a person who inspires you or you want to emulate yet I can’t find a single person i want to emulate
I thought we were taught to be ourselves but what if we don’t know ourselves? Are we just another imitation of someone who has passed before us?
I am a living disappointment
I am the friend that jokes about dying
I am a sister
I am a daughter abandoned by his father
I am the girl that cries every night for reasons I don’t even understand
I am the girl who sits at the back
The one with the tired eyes
I am the forgotten friend
Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and all
But they don’t truly know me
I mean, I’ve told you things that nobody knows
I know this doesn’t define me
But when I think of myself all I see is sadness
This is more than the sadness you and me know
This is emotional absence
I can feel my life passing by
I see everyone doing great thing with their life
Yet i’m trapped, stuck in my own mind
I apologise if this isn’t the happy poem you were expecting
But I haven’t been happy for a long time now
I know all of this doesn’t make sense but neither does my mind
It’s all jumbled up and I can’t seem to get anything right
And now that you know all my secrets, can you tell me who am I?
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5 comments
Who are we truly but an amalgamation of societal influences? Adopted in the same way as one so easily and subconsciously mimics an accent.
Free from the restraints of expectation, we are so much more, for we aren’t defined and confined by the walls around us. The feeling of not knowing, of being lost, is our way, our incentive, of striving for change. It’s a horrible feeling, but necessary reminder that we are and deserve more, and to tread our own path.
By the way, this reminded me of an a Emily Dickinson poem I thought I had long forgotten, so thank you.
The Lord, it carries me. I know, because it has to be, yes, that’s what that I’m saying, that it’s me, it has to be, if you see. A little-bit more, than it’s finished, for which of the either.. if it were up to me, than you’d be spared, but if you’d see, than it’s not up to me. I’ll see what I can do, for you. A little-bit more, than it’s almost finished, yes, that’s what I’m saying. What is this, writing, I was wrapping, things up. Yes, that’s what I was saying!!!! Kazam!!! BAby!!!!
Nothing, again.
Are you a pet?
I relate with “who am i” when you dont even know yourself. And how do you find yourself when you’ve been lost for so long. </3