I want to die. There, I said it. Am I gonna do anything about it? Nope. I want to die. But I’m not going to attempt again so I’m back and forth with wanting to live and wanting to just give up. Not that I could care.
I’ve did some terrible things during the months that I were gone from this site, that if I think about them; I’ll start self-harming again so I’m trying not to think about any.
I’m sad. And I want to just give up being alive. Oh well.
I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. And to be honest, having to accept that; at first it feels like being punished with death sentence without knowing the final date. I say that because I know I’m capable of killing myself in that state. The impulse, the overwhelming emotions can lead me to the edge. That’s why, this feels like, I’m on a death row, set by my own self.
It’s hard though. To die when you’ve felt so much.
I don’t want to let go of this life. I’m just really sad right now. But this will pass.
I too will pass.