Im always alone, it’s better this way. Atleast that’s what I tell myself. When something bad happens there’s no one I can call. Something bad happened. And I can’t ask anyone for help, because there is no one. I’ve felt like this for years, I just want it to stop. I hate waking up depressed and wanting to die before I’ve even had breakfast. I hate not caring about anything I do or more accurately what I don’t do. And no one knows because no one cares. I’m supposed to be there to guide and help people. I’m not supposed to have problems. When bad happens I play hero. Bad is not supposed to happen to me. But it does and I suffer in silence, always. I wish to change and I’ve tried maybe it’s finally time. I’m honestly surprised I made it past 18 but I can’t afford to reach 21. Wether it’s today, tomorrow or the day before I turn 21 I will no need to disappear. There is no future for me, I have no plans, I’m no longer needed.