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by Alumina

Im always alone, it’s better this way. Atleast that’s what I tell myself. When something bad happens there’s no one I can call. Something bad happened. And I can’t ask anyone for help, because there is no one. I’ve felt like this for years, I just want it to stop. I hate waking up depressed and wanting to die before I’ve even had breakfast. I hate not caring about anything I do or more accurately what I don’t do. And no one knows because no one cares. I’m supposed to be there to guide and help people. I’m not supposed to have problems. When bad happens I play hero. Bad is not supposed to happen to me. But it does and I suffer in silence, always. I wish to change and I’ve tried maybe it’s finally time. I’m honestly surprised I made it past 18 but I can’t afford to reach 21. Wether it’s today, tomorrow or the day before I turn 21 I will no need to disappear. There is no future for me, I have no plans, I’m no longer needed.

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Mf 4/25/2019 - 7:02 am

Have you wondered what would happen if you didn’t guide people and didn’t play hero? just wondering, why do you have to play that role for others but yet your suffering doesn’t matter? doesn’t sound fair to me.

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