Dear my “best friend”.

I hope you know I’m never asking you to see me again. I’m afraid to call you now because I’m being “annoying”. I’m not going to be making any effort anymore, that’s up to you. Things have been said, hurtful things – and with no explaination. I don’t have much trust for many people anymore but I thought you were one of the good ones. I hope you know that you make me fore more ashamed and embarrassed of myself than you think of me. I want you to know that you are the reason for my pain Rn. I want you to know that I think twice about every action and every word I say because of you. I know I’m not enough for you and clearly never was. I’ve tried my hardest and forgiven you for things other people wouldn’t. I’m sick of feeling these things because of what you say and what you think of me. I’ve done all I could do but it still wasn’t even so I am done trying, done everything. If you want to fix things then that’s all on you because I am no longer going to. the way you treat me and more importantly what you think of me. It’s hard enough dealing with my own negative thoughts about myself without you having other shit to say behind my back. I thought I was more important that the petty bullshit that comes out of your mouth. I’m over everything and I hope you see this and change but unfortunately I don’t think you will. I love you but now have come to terms that I’m nothing more than a friend who you use when it is convenient for you. I would almost feel betrayed but somehow I knew this was coming. You’ll forget about me, I know that.  You treat me like shit knowing that I will always come back but not this time. Just know you’ve hurt me in more ways than one and this time it will either be different or I can’t live on like this. I hope you change, I hope you realise and I hope you treat me better. I care about you but don’t want your friendship if it continues like this. I am speaking to you right now as if nothing is wrong but it is. You don’t understand how insecure, disgusted, worthless and self conscious of myself and the way I look and the way I act you have caused m to feel. I simply cannot trust another word out of your mouth. I hope you know that you’ve truely hurt me deep this time. I was told things that really hurt and they especially hurt by you. Thanks for everything “best friend”.