This is my first post since checking out the website and is my making my anxiety choke me when I should be asleep. If I can’t even type this out, what makes me think I can tell my family and friends what I’ve been struggling with?
Well, I’m 21 and was diagnosed with major depression disorder a few months after I turned eighteen. But I knew since I was a kid something was wrong with me. My dad was verbally abusive and mentally abusive to me and my siblings since I could remember. But I guess I was the unlucky one since he decided to only sexually abuse me. I didn’t even tell my family until a few months ago. I can’t even think about what he did to me without breaking down.
Then, I had a breakdown. The doctor called it a “depressive episode”. I refused to do anything besides sleep. It just hurt too much to feel anything. I was put on meds pretty quick after that. They don’t stop the episodes, just supposedly make it easier to deal with them and the anxiety of everyday life. The meds are fine, but it’s hard to know if they’re making a difference when I’m in a normal state.
I’m living with my mom ( she divorced the asshole that is my dad) and I can’t figure out how to tell her being home makes me want to crawl into bed and never leave. I love her so much and I hate that she blames herself for my mental illness.
I also hate that I want to end it all sometimes. It’s hard living in a world going to shit and knowing you can’t do a thing about it. I feel like a worthless piece of garbage and it would be easier if I just took the easy way out. It’s a constant struggle for me to not just go through with ending my life.
9 comments
Not sure if this is the right thing to say here but, Welcome to the pit! Fight for your peace.
I feel like that sometimes, we all do. You’re welcome here and you’re not alone. Hang in there, friend.
Yes, I know the feeling. A room full of children the same as you but you are the only one being sexually abused.. the “lucky” one.
I’m assuming it’s the same house that you grew up in…
Just tell her. Just start rambling if you have to but let it all out. Tell her it’s not her fault and say it again and again and tell her 100 times that this house has become your living nightmare and you HAVE to leave it to get better.
I hope that helps.
I’m sorry for your pain.
Sorry, When people verbally abuse you just pity them they are the ones with a problem, you will be fine when you get on your own, tough it out work towards that goal and shrug off the BS till then, things will get better.
Yeah, the world is going to hell, and and we can all thank our governments, and there’s no freedom to life, so many rules and regulations, and taxes so far up your a$$, its killing the middle class. Then, all these psychological problems, family abuse, physical, mental, sexual abuse. And we were not even prepared for the real world, just thrown into it to be eaten alive, develop major depression, no friends, everyone is narcissitic, i rarely find the good in anything anymore. And the lives people portray facebook or instagram is far from the truth, so usually everything is fake, a lie, or wants to hurt you
Yeah, we can check out.
Or we can go hunt down the piece of shit that abused you.
You don’t have memtal illness.
You have Extreme Trauma.
I love you ?
Thank you for sharing
I just want to thank everyone for replying to my post. Thank you for all the kind words and understanding. It makes dealing with all this shitty stuff a little bit easier knowing that some people understand.