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by Nothingsasitseems

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I push everyone away that tries to have friendship or relationship with me and I just shut everyone out. I like it that way being isolated. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. It’s hard to socialize when I have no interest in talking to anyone and just being by myself in my own world. I’ve gone through a past trauma and I blame it on that for turning me this way


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a1957 5/13/2019 - 11:09 pm

Trauma rewires our brains. I am getting my “wiring” fixed 50 years after the fact. As a result, things are getting better and less awkward for me socially and privately. I have wondered if I should even bother after 50 years, but yes, it is has been worthwhile to hang with the therapist.

eternaldarkness 5/15/2019 - 5:57 pm

What does one do when therapists don’t help? I’ve talked to many, and most leave me feeling even
MORE depressed 🙁

I’m close to 40, (actually bday is next week, ugh) and after 4 f*** decades of trying, I’ve given up hope.

a1957 5/15/2019 - 11:03 pm

In the grocery store I saw a woman wearing a tee shirt that you might like. It read:

I used to be a people person.
Then people ruined it.

Speaking for myself, I could not connect with seven out of eight therapists. The only one that I could connect with is the one I have now. For years I was so pissed that therapists seemed so unable, seven in a row, to help. Then I finally was able to bring myself to research therapy a bit and then put in writing a few things a therapist would need to bring to the table before I would even consider contacting her. For me I decided it should be a her. That is when things finally started to go forward.

eternaldarkness 5/16/2019 - 12:16 am

Idk, I’ve given up. I’ve gone to so many therapists. Not only do they not help, some actually make it WORSE. So screw that. Also screw having to repeat over and over the same thing to them every week, bc they can’t remember anything you say.

Glad you found yours. I think a good therapist who listens AND cares AND actually helps is rare.

eternaldarkness 5/16/2019 - 12:18 am

That shirt is about 15.99 – 25.99 on Amazon. I like the saying, but don’t like the design and shape of the shirts they have. Ah well.

eternaldarkness 5/15/2019 - 6:01 pm

oh, and mean people who use/abuse/take advantage of me has only turned me angry and hateful against people. I used to actually like people, up until a couple of years ago. But the straw broke this camels’ back, after getting repetitively screwed, and i no longer trust humans.

sorry for the rant. so tired of this broken world, tired of my broken life, of a broken ME.

a1957 5/15/2019 - 11:21 pm

The rant is ok. I mean that is a lot of pain.

SoftApple 5/13/2019 - 11:14 pm

I know how you feel. I grew up without a cellphone, and all i knew was spending time with my friends. If we werent playing soccer, we were doing something crazy. But I picked up some weight eventually and everything changed. Nice buddies of mine took shots at me just for fun. I got the full package and my confidence took a massive dive, until i couldnt face them anymore. I just shut down and ever since i was 12 till 15 I never went out to play. Just tele and more tele. I never had a phone so no one called me up. No one dropped by except 2 guys who i’d see at school. Eventually I moved away and lost all social contact outside my family. I found myself wondering why no one reached out, not even family. For a decade I only spoke to 5 people (mom, 2 sisters, granma and uncle). I never saw my old buddies and wasnt interested in meeting people. So when i did get a phone, didnt even what to do with it LOL. I only know face-to-face interaction, I never use my phone. I’m not even on social media as much. This still messes with head, and i have been told i’m in my “own world too much”. Because people cant reconcile the me they meet in person (Easy to talk to), and the guy who never calls. But somehow girls find a way to make it about them.
Point is, I blame my past too for my isolation. But just coz youre justified doesnt mean you’ll be happy. If all you hope for is making a connection with someone, then you have sacrifice your justification and put yourself where you can be seen. That’s the only way to human beings can ever really connect, when one risks it for the other.

Nothingsasitseems 5/14/2019 - 7:43 am

The reason I isolate myself and hate being in contact with people is cause I fear them. I trust no one

streetspirit152 5/18/2019 - 11:08 am

Yeah I know what you mean, well I not afraid of other people, but I also don’t really trust them much.

rocketman 5/14/2019 - 6:01 am

I’m like that in many ways, I really don’t have much in conman with most people, I like everyone but a religious person for example talking about how i’m going to hell all the time and what i must do to stop it, i have nothing against religion but i know better so talking to me about it waste my time and is boring, trying to brain wash me is impossible i’m not weak minded. Now this isn’t about religion this is an example, if I don’t have something really in conman with someone i can be nice but i won’t hang out with them, people are far and few between i can really relate with. I don’t want to push my beliefs on anyone, either your with me or your not. I’m a singer for example people don’t hang out with me when I practice unless it’s another singer/musician, it’s not there thing and they don’t care, I go to places that want to hear me.
So whats the bottom line ? Birds of a feather flock together your just not around the right birds. 🙂

JamesOxy 5/14/2019 - 10:17 am

I know what you are saying. I’ve been like this for years. However, I wasn’t always like this. I had awful trauma most of my life as I had no parents but I made good friends. I had therapy when I was much older. I changed a little but it left me RAW after two years each week! Unfortunately, many inconsistent events kept happening over and over again and as my ‘hard’ ego that had protected me had been removed with therapy, I was vulnerable to any slights. I can’t face any kind of rejection now. You can imagine how ridiculous my life can get when the gasman doesn’t turn up on time. I may cope once, but if he is even late the second time, I literally fall apart and won’t see him. I avoid all interpersonal communications with people now because I cannot control my reactions to when I feel injected .

JamesOxy 5/14/2019 - 10:19 am

* when I feel rejected

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