Today i realized i don’t belong here. This world is fucked up and so are we. This society, it has sooo manyy things that are wrong with it. I mean, you know, i don’t have to tell you that, but still. I tried to resocialize so many times, and i tried so much with the “pretend to smile untill you are really happy”, but the only thing it had done for me, is creating a bigger void in me. I just can’t stand the numbness and the sadness anymore, i can’t. I want to end it all, but i’m a ***** and i can’t do it… Or maybe because, sometimes, for a second, i feel normal again, i feel like a normal teenager should. And maybe, just maybe, i’m grasping for the last string of hope there is for me…
I’m just so fucking tired, so so so so soooo tired, i just can’t anymore. Sometimes i think about start cutting again but i can’t because i have 2 roommates and they would see everything, so i started scratching myself… But the worst thing is, when i want to say something i just change my mind and i can’t. Or people just don’t take me seriously because they think i’m joking, because i’m so nervous that i start laughing.
I’m very hurt/dead inside and i don’t know how to deal with this.
Can please just someone tell me that all this numbness will go away and i will feel complete again, please?
2 comments
The numbness may never go completely away but it might decrease enough to let you enjoy your life or, at least, part of it. You might need to accept how you are, with yoyr lights and shadows. It can be a pain…
you can’t control the world, only yourself, don’t dwell on it, you do the right thing.