All my life women could never see me as a potential mate. I don’t know what it is. It’s really their loss and my gain as I don’t have to put up with their ignorance or selfishness and they lose out on having someone who is honest, sincere and kind etc.
But what is it that ends it like this every time?
This time I believe it’s the universe telling me I should stay in this “relationship”, endure the suffering and become a better person amongst other things.
I can see through these illusions we call life, I just don’t enjoy looking because it’s hard to face truth when you’re not in control.
8 comments
Loss of control and feeling unwanted/unloved are some o f the hardest things about the human condition. I HAVE noticed though, that a loss of control and bring a certain freedom and even comfort if we accept we are not in control, and just do what we can. finding a mate though is tough for so many of us. i would not take it personal at all (and trust me sometimes i can feel quite bitter about the opposite sex, so i think i know where your coming from). small steps to find her/him. keep working on us, and we might find our heart when we least expect it!
The knowledge that I’m not in control can bring comfort when I’m not looking through the illusion of life but as time moves on I have been more forced to see the truth and it’s depth.
You should try to see yourself through the eyes of others. It’s not you in particular they’re rejecting but you in comparison to other men. It also has to do with their moods/tastes. A lot goes into the decision to date someone.
I was never taught anything about dating when I was a teen, I had to figure it out on my own. Initially girls used to be mysterious to me and I couldn’t quite read their intentions. Then one day I noticed that a girl I liked admitted (to another girl) she had the hots for some guy and then it just struck me, they’re not that different from us in general. If they like you they let you know and vice versa.
Eventually I became good at reading their intentions and unspoken words. Sometimes I’d be off the mark but usually I’d read it right.
Rather than ask “why don’t girls want me?” Ask what do I bring to the table and what sort of girl would be interested in that. Like products, we all have a certain demographic we appeal to.
Don’t forget women have their own drawbacks so get to know them first, perhaps they’re not your type. Finding a girl you are compatible with can be pretty exciting but my problem is that I have trouble committing.
Also it’s important to go after someone at your level. Sure I’ve seen some guys that are like a 1/10 (fat, ugly, broke, etc) dating a girl who’s a 9/10 (hot) but that’s like winning the lottery. Most of the time people date someone within their own range.
Like it or not attractiveness does play a role. But of course a great personality and good income/job factors into it as well.
So in short, don’t take the rejection too personally, everyone has experienced it. The key is to search for girls that you’d be on par with.
I’m happy for you but this isn’t my reality in the slightest.
Let me rephrase…
No women at all see me as a potential mate. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. And most don’t give me much of an opportunity.
I’m decent looking, even some say handsome.
Anyway… I also never said the rejection bothers me because it doesn’t. I’m merely perplexed at how I am stuck in this “reality” at which 99.99% of doors are closed to me.
There are many reasons why they might not see you in that way. If you’re attractive then some of them should be interested in you. Perhaps it’s what you’ve said to them, where you meet these girls, like a club for instance.
By the way it’s not just you, I wouldn’t date 90% of the women out there either but then I do tend to be more picky than most guys. It might be good to figure out why they reject you. If you have no clue then just ask them respectfully why they don’t see you as a potential mate.
Once you have your answer then you can search for girls that aren’t deterred by whatever that answer might be.
With me I know my flaws and shortcomings. While I’m not happy with my looks I’ve been told I’m cute/handsome by a number of the girls I’ve dated and others.
The times I’ve been turned down is usually because I’m going after a girl who I knew wasn’t a good fit but I tried anyways just because I liked her.
As they say there are other fish in the sea and you just have to change up whatever you’re doing and try something new.
It could also be your career. For instance if you are in a dead-end job, girls see might be turned off by that since most of them want kids and they need a man who makes decent coin.
Look if criminals in prison can find girls to date/marry then you should really have no reason unless you’re an incel or something else. In your OP it sounded like you didn’t really care that much about getting a girl and that you were fine on your own, so perhaps you’re sending a vibe to women that you don’t really want them which could also be putting them off.
The short answer is: it’s you.
In basic troubleshooting, you repeat the test several times with each time changing 1 condition. Then you compare all your tests to see what the common condition was in all problems.
In your case you tried different people but the same error persists with the only common factor being you. So you are the problem.
But this does not necessarily mean that you are a bad person. It’s equally possible that you attract or gravitate toward the wrong type of people, and that’s why your relationships don’t work out.
It’s the same a woman who is constantly abused by every guy she dates. It’s not that all men are abusers. It’s that she is obviously picking the wrong guys to date.
So to solve the problem, you would have to find a different type of woman. Maybe try meeting women in places you don’t usually meet them (example: a library instead of a bar, etc) and maybe make a conscious effort to find someone who is nothing like anyone you’ve ever dated.
If the results are still disastrous you can logically conclude that it is just you, and your final test would be to change yourself (which isn’t a bad idea for all of us).
Where’s there’s smoke there is fire.
Why do you want a relationship if you like not dealing with it? You’ve been there, done that it sounds. There are plenty of ways to rebalance the temporary chemical / hormone increase that pops up here and there naturally. Society drills into us that it’s unnatural to be “single” and people then conflate this with being “alone”. Then you force yourself into relationships you don’t want to be in just for the sake of Relationship. They are mutually exclusive in reality, even if many people experience them together and just assume they are coming from the same cause.