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Ramblings of a helpless individual

by Blankstare

This probably won’t make much sense. I’m a bit of a mess right now but I need an outlet. The story below takes place during several years but I’ve shortened it.

I had postpartum depression. My (soon-to-be) ex husband began to ignore me completely and left me out of huge decisions (he was getting out of military and deciding where to move). So I left. I saw what happened to my grandmother when she never had a say in her own life. I couldn’t let that happen to me.

I thought returning back home to my family would help. I thought they would support me. But instead they spent more time with my ex husband … as they said… to support their grandchild (my son). It felt like a slap in the face.

I just want to feel supported …. understood…  instead I feel replaced.

I think about suicide a lot. Why stay? My son doesn’t need me anymore with so much family around. My family clearly doesn’t support my decision to divorce.

Another part of me wants to run away… just an hour or two away. I doubt if I did they would let me see my son as much. But it’s the only way I see it to keep living. I have some friends in a town an hour away. Should I create my own support system?

Is it completely selfish of me to leave my son here?

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2 comments

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/8/2019 - 5:17 pm

Maybe the father would think it is selfish of you but his opinion really doesn’t matter. If you hate that family so much that you need to get away from them you can leave and it might be good for you. You are right that he probably doesn’t need you.

LostInside 5/9/2019 - 2:04 am

Thinking of yourself isn’t a bad thing especially if you are hurting.
If you survive today, you can always come back tomorrow.

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