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Trapped!

by rivets

How do you stop being who you are? Or is it possible that what you think you are, isn’t what you are? What the hell actually is me? Am I the person other people see, the things I’ve done, or their outcomes, even if nobody else has seen the results but me? Or am I who I think I am – maybe the outline in my mind of who I’d like to be in those ego filled moments that happen from time to time without my noticing. Aspirational me? Trying to be better me? Trying to shine, me? Why bother doing anything like that if the only person who might understand any of it is me (or you, or you, or you or my cat, maybe). Are other people stuck in the same sort of haze? Maybe other people are the problem – their perception, and by extension, my perception of them, might not be any more or less real than their own perception of themselves, or mine of myself. What is a me? What is a you? What are we, even? Why do we have this constant back and forth between “me” and “you” to decide what either is, and how could anyone possibly decide who gets defined first? Who is there to decide it prior to being defined? It’s like social anarchy. No rules, no coin toss, just racing to see who can steal the ball first and kick it into some amorphous goal. Any means will do, no matter how dirty. Just get to the goal first to be you. Winner gets to rule the universe in their own head.

 

Can’t we all just be ourselves without all this messy chaos? I guess that circles back to the original line of questioning – what even is a person without all this messy chaos to form them? This, to me, seems like the ultimate proof that there can be no god. No god in his/her right mind would make things like this, except maybe the invisible pink unicorn. And we all know how that jerk is. I guess one can argue that god is insane, schizophrenic, scattered pieces without any cohesive whole – that might make sense, given the nature of people. We could perhaps only see him or her reflected through the insane mass of other people staring back at us, and really, he/she’s just completely lost the plot (redundant, but clearly).  Screw it, I’m going with the pink unicorn. At least the pink unicorn is nice. I mean, nobody really knows because he’s invisible and all, but he’s pink, and pink is a happy color…

Damnit, I need to stop staying up late on my days off. I go off my own rocker. I didn’t even know it was possible to fall off an imaginary chair, but lo! I have done it. Coffee! Save me!

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26 comments

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 8:59 am

Well old buddy thought i’d respond not that I know everything I’m swimming in this cesspool with you 🙂

These are a few things I have learned,

You are what you think about, BIG SUBJECT, a few examples, if you think of nice things your probably nice right? if you think of bad things then your probably bad, if you think about racing cars you probably drive fast, you get the idea so first you have to say to yourself what is it I THINK ABOUT? And that’s probably is a good indicator of who you are. everyone is independent and a lot can be the same. Further more if you think of things that are out of the main stream then other’s will look at you and put a target on your head. Just some thoughts here. you seem like a very nice person to me just from what you think about 🙂

rivets 5/31/2019 - 9:11 am

But what if the things you think about aren’t just good or just bad, and some, or even most of it revolves around what other people think of me? Or on the other hand, what if none of it revolves around what other people think of me, and all or most of it revolves around what I think of other people? Gah. See? Confusion – the whole world is a mess of it. I honestly don’t think anybody really knows who anyone else is, even themselves. We just have these brains that come up with stories to explain it after-the-fact. It’s definitely not a bad thing most of the time, but it is a thing among many other possible things.



I get what you’re saying, though. My default position on other people is to assume they’re genuine, and generally have good intent. I’ll stretch that position until it’s like butter on toast. So thin you can barely tell where the butter ends and the toast begins. Hah. I dunno if I’m a good person or not, but I’m definitely something. And out of my mind. I can say that much. This is the product of waaaaay too much coffee, and not enough sleep to support the caffeine jitters. No need to think too much about it – train of thought writing is one thing I can’t stand, and yet, there it is right there every time I don’t sleep enough and have coffee! Stupid caffeine. D’oh.. It’s like some annoying neurological mystery.


Also, I like butterflies. 😛

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 9:55 am

Really it’s a BIG SUBJECT!!! 🙂 My head is spinning now! Thanks! I need some coffee!

That is possible you can think of bad things and good things, the out come will be bad and good.
It is important to me to care what others think about me but there are some exceptions , if what i’m doing doesn’t effect anyone else only me, then i’ll probably do what I want, sometimes you don’t realize what your doing is going to effect someone else but it does collateral damage.

Everyone is different I try to think things through and possible out comes but quick decisions can be bad!
I think no matter what people think of me I have to feel good that I my intentions were good.
FOR EXAMPLE THIS POST IS DRIVING ME NUTS WAS THAT YOUR INTENTIONS!!! IT WORKED!!! 🙂

rivets 5/31/2019 - 10:17 am

I figured it’d drive people just as nuts as it’s driving me trying to figure it out, myself. Yep. Caffeine is winding down now. And what have I unleashed on the world? Haha…

From where I am, I’m not sure if what other people think of me is as important as how I feel about the things I do in the world, and whether I can deal honestly with other people for who they are, and not just who I think they are. Because for some people, who I might think they are is so overly simplified that it’s just impossible for my estimation to be right. It’d be shocking to me if that one guy at work only cares about pogs, and that’s his entire life. Ya know? But he does talk about them a lot for some reason, and nobody else seems to like the subject at all, and yet that doesn’t dampen his spirits. He will spread the gospel of pogs. All will collect them once more, one day. At least, that’s how it looks to me from my distant vantage of him and what he does. Do other people see me like that? If so, I must look like an absolute question mark. I don’t really do much, or say much, but I do work constantly. When I’m at home, only my cats and you folks really see me do anything noteworthy. If that were the goal, I’d be in big trouble. But I do help people when I notice they need it – I try to, at least. I’m just a lost soul drifting around in a strange world, filled with a ton of other people everywhere who seem to be doing the same, you know? 😛

…and now here I am, losing the plot myself. Curse you god for losing the plot first, or something!

Hope Dream Love 5/31/2019 - 9:14 am

Let me simplify it for you.
You are you and I am me and fuck the world 😛

rivets 5/31/2019 - 9:16 am

But how can I be me if I am I? I and I are confused by me. And why does the world get a say in anything, or need anything said to it? The world just needs to go back to whatever rock it crawled out of. 😛

rivets 5/31/2019 - 9:18 am

Caffeine stop. Somebody! Stop caffeine. God. I feel like I’m going to make myself look like a complete lunatic here. If Jesus could hear me, he’d heal my craziness with his oily toenails like he healed that blind dude with his spit! Oh, the humanity.

Ugh. I have this feeling I’m going to be deleting this thread once I’m better rested and less nuts.

rivets 5/31/2019 - 9:56 am

Also, has anybody noticed that we can now edit comments on our own posts? I’m not sure how to feel about this yet. Mostly because I do believe you can edit other people’s comments on your own post, and that worries me a little bit. I’m too inside-the-lines to test it out, though. Bah. But also because editing comments will make me go all OCD on myself, and then I’ll have to break out the ruler to smack myself whenever I start doing it. Bad, baaaad. Not saying I don’t like the edit function, just saying I don’t like my brain so much. 😛

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 10:14 am

Well I did notice that, I haven’t figured that out? sometimes it says edit sometime it don’t? on this post it doesn’t give an option only cancel reply?

rivets 5/31/2019 - 10:22 am

Unless I’m seeing this wrong, it looks like you can edit any comments on a post you published, but nowhere else. So can’t edit comments on other people’s posts. Can edit on your own, though. And not just yours – you can edit everybody’s comments on your post. lol I ginned up the curiosity to click edit on someone’s comment, but i won’t even try to edit it… that’d feel wrong somehow 😛 – it does take you to the edit page. So I guess you can change stuff if you, for some reason, wanted to do that. Heh. Personally, I don’t think that should be a thing. Edit my own comments? Sure! But not anyone else’s. I can only imagine the anarchy that might cause.

Klownisak 5/31/2019 - 3:48 pm

That edit feature has been there for years.
Also, gee, this site sure looks different now.

rivets 5/31/2019 - 4:22 pm

I keep telling people, I knew this was going to be a weird day when I woke up yesterday morning.

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 10:59 am

You mean I can write a post like WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ROCKETMAN

Everyone answers says he is a asshole and a bum, then I can change those answers to he’s a really great guy! 🙂

rivets 5/31/2019 - 11:01 am

If you wanted to, you definitely could – assuming SP Admin doesn’t fix it before you try that idea out, haha… Also, nobody would answer that way, dude. They’d say, Rocketman likes Elton John! Wait! So do i. Hmm… Rocketman has good taste in music judging by his username. 😛

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 11:12 am

Wow! Thanks rivets! By the way lots of people probably don’t realize what is a Rocketman? sounds exciting but if you listen to the lyrics that’s me, burning up his fuse up here alone. That’s why I choose that handle.

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 11:29 am

By the way I KNOW WHAT RIVETS IS!! 🙂 Do you want me to tell you? 🙂

rivets 5/31/2019 - 2:46 pm

What is it? Haha.. and I thought that was what your nick meant. I love that song. 😀

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 2:48 pm

rivets: oh gee sure Rocketman!

They are helpful little things!!! 🙂

rivets 5/31/2019 - 2:50 pm

True, they kinda hold stuff together. lol Honestly, I don’t even know where this nick came from, but it fit pretty well, so it stuck. Ha, see what I did there?

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 2:55 pm

Yep! YOU PULLED A FAST ONE!! HA HA!
I know because you told me years ago! So I CHEATED!! 🙂

rocketman 5/31/2019 - 4:38 pm

Hey I got it!! If you can contract multiple personality disorder! YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE THING’S!!!!

rivets 5/31/2019 - 5:06 pm

Yeah, but how would you handle it if a fight broke out with yourself? I can’t think of a way that could end without impersonating Jim Carey in Liar Liar, in the bathroom beating himself up. That sounds kind of messy. lol

mysteriousvisitor 6/1/2019 - 3:52 am

There you are! I came here a few months ago and posted looking for you.

Butterflies are pretty cool.

rivets 6/1/2019 - 1:44 pm

I’m not even sure where I am most of the time. How are you doing these days? It’s been a while. 😀

mysteriousvisitor 6/7/2019 - 9:35 am

Doing very well, actually. Think of all of you often, and sometimes wonder if you’ve visited SF Park lately.

Hope Dream Love 6/2/2019 - 8:25 am

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