I still think about you. I made myself believe for a long time that I have finally moved on and I have finally gotten better, but that was only half true.
Truth is I thought I moved on until my birthday came and it was the first time in about 8 years you did not wish me a happy birthday. I know I told you not to contact me at all in the future, but a part of me kind of wish you did send me a birthday letter like you did last year. It messed me up, emotionally, getting that birthday letter when I did; yet and still, I wish you would have sent another. Despite the pain it would have caused once again, I wanted to hear from you.
I regret not being so happy for you in the last letters you sent me. You caught me up on how much better you have gotten, the better choices you were beginning to make, and the things that have been going good for you. I truly was happy for you, but I had already made up my mind at the time not to talk to you. I had my mind made up 8 months before you decided to contact me and I acted like things were normal and refused to update you on how I had been. I regret that. I can’t remember if I told you I was happy for you, but if I didn’t, I truly am happy for you.
The last letter I sent you was sudden. I felt it was necessary, and I still do stand by the decision, but it could have been written differently. We probably could have discussed it. It has been over a year since we last talked, and almost 2 years since we last seen each other. In that year we haven’t talked I have occasionally thought about you and what could have been different had we gotten a chance to talk. To get some closure, for me at least. I wish we could talk one last time, but I could never know if you would want the same.
I hope my decision does not burden you as much as it burdens me. I hope you have moved on from this better than I have. I hope you find the happiness that I am trying so hard to find.