Had a bad day at office. I’m not one of the gunner kind but rather dumb. Just some pathetic faceless employee right at the bottom of the pecking order. Today I was the last one to leave after a hectic project delivery. I felt so bitter thinking about what a chronic loser I am. Drifting half-assedly through life, working for peanuts, and even then not knowing what to do with whatever spare dime I’m making. I just couldn’t make any sense of my being in this world.
But then, while waiting at the bus stop, a strange peace descended upon me, like a whiff of cool breeze in prickly humidity. I was reminded that my days of living through this shitty existence are numbered. I’m not hanging around for long now. I won’t keep letting myself be humiliated by my incompetence. I’m not living life my own way but I’m going out on my own terms. And that’s a win I’d say. Better than dying old as fuck on a hospital bed, shitting in pans, pissing in bottles, attended by tired nurses, ‘cared for’ by weary relatives secretly wishing I die already. I was exhausted but thinking about my situation in this new light, I commuted back home quite upbeat.
I just hope I can fix a definite time-bound plan for my exit and somehow be at peace all that while. I hope to die with an empty mind without any thoughts buzzing in my head.
End of rant.