It has been so long since i felt an inch of anything, just empty to the core. I have loved so deeply, trusted completely, been used so casually, betrayed countless time and have lost everything that used to make sense.
I am 35 years old have never achieved anything, have no job, no family, no hope and no will to live.
I spent my youth being ridiculed, abused, beaten and tortured. I have suffered with anxiety, depression, PTSD and Bipolar disorder for over 15 years.
The last positive in my life was a girl Ramona. She gave me so much and i loved her deeply, we lost our child in December 2016. We never recovered from it and have spent the past years just worsening by the day. I have tried therapy, medication, always failing. The past 6 months i have given up completely, wishing and praying to die whilst developing a good way to leave this cruel, evil world. I have no clue to why i am writing this, maybe i have the need to share. I can’t grasp any kind of emotions, i feel numb 24/7. I guess time will tell, its inevitable, i guess in a way my fate. Fairwell cruel world. Lost and dead, forever empty.