Dead Inside
It has been so long since i felt an inch of anything, just empty to the core. I have loved so deeply, trusted completely, been used so casually, betrayed countless time and have lost everything that used to make sense.
I am 35 years old have never achieved anything, have no job, no family, no hope and no will to live.
I spent my youth being ridiculed, abused, beaten and tortured. I have suffered with anxiety, depression, PTSD and Bipolar disorder for over 15 years.
The last positive in my life was a girl Ramona. She gave me so much and i loved her deeply, we lost our child in December 2016. We never recovered from it and have spent the past years just worsening by the day. I have tried therapy, medication, always failing. The past 6 months i have given up completely, wishing and praying to die whilst developing a good way to leave this cruel, evil world. I have no clue to why i am writing this, maybe i have the need to share. I can’t grasp any kind of emotions, i feel numb 24/7. I guess time will tell, its inevitable, i guess in a way my fate. Fairwell cruel world. Lost and dead, forever empty.
- Goodbye
1 comment
Sorry for your lost buddy I cant imagine what its like to lose a son/daughter. I feel dead inside 80% of time, the other 20%, I do feel alive, but I’m also close to an alcoholic blackout. Anyways, I’m not the best person to be givin advices so I’ll let it to the pros… but you’re not alone in deep pain.