A Dead Friendship

This is an update from my last post.

So i posted a picture on my instragram and had a caption that said “i gotta throw the whole friend away”. It was an inside joke between and one of my friends and i tagged him in it.

After my disagreement with Jane. She messaged me if i was okay. And i didn’t respond because i didn’t know what she meant because that was really random. And then i posted a picture on my snapchat of my cat. And i saw that Jane had viewed it. And Jane had messaged me after seeing it.

She said that im always complaining about people being fake but i should look in the mirror. Because im being shady and posting about how fake people are on my social media for the whole world (aka my 20 followers on my private account) to see. And that she’s been nothing but nice to me since day one and that she’s putting her foot down and done going ‘above and beyond for our friendship’. She said that i always hide when it comes to confronting people. And that i don’t deserve to be in her life because i dont value and respect her feelings or as a person. And before i try to turn it around on her that shes “aware of everything ive said about her” and that she was unfollowing me on all social media and to never text her unless its an emergency.

That being said i have some counter arguments.

#1

I’ve never complained about people being ‘fake’. I don’t even use that word… ever. And she knows that. If i ever talk about someone. Its probably about someone that has hurt me in some way. And i simply state my side of the story about me and that persons situation. I only use true facts about that person and i dont ever put them down (ex. Call them a ***** or say they’re a horrible person) no matter how much they may have hurt me.

#2

She says that im “always making posts” about people being fake and throwing shade. And I’m more than positive that shes talking about my insta post. Instead of asking what it was about she assumed it was about her or someone else. But i wasn’t referring to a single person or anything really. It was iust an inside joke that only one of my other friends would understand. But this is where it gets hypocritical. Jane actually always posts on her snapchat how fake people are. That last fight we had she posted on her snapchat story after showing a video of her cat stating, (and i quote) “when everyone else is fake so you have to talk to your cat” if anyone is shading anyone it’s her. But she only sees what i do and not what she does.

#3

She says that she’s done going “above and beyond” for our friendship. But to be truly honest. She’s never gone above and beyond. I’m the one that always drives when we hang out, i pay for her food, i buy her clothes and im always there for her no matter what. She has never done anything in return to show her appreciation. But there has been quite a few instances where she would ask me if i would like to go out to dinner and that the meal would be on her. But when we finish dinner. The waiter would ask if its cash or card and she would say something like “oh we’re paying separate” or i would end up having to pay for the both of us. This behavior is really odd and i never said anything only because i was confused and if i did i would end up being ignored for a week because she gets triggered over the smallest things.

#4

She says that i always hide when it comes to confronting people. Personally, i really don’t have a problem with confronting people if i know that we can talk it out like adults and deal with whatever issue we need to deal with. The only time i don’t confront someone is if they are unwilling to see their mistakes and have that victim mentality. Jane and i have had some confrontation in the passed where we tried to talk about a problem. But it’ll never end with a solution. It’ll end with me being a bad person whose insensitive to her feelings. This is another thing I’ve noticed about her. She wants people to feel bad for her. She wants the pity. She wants to be the victim so she doesn’t have to apologize for her actions. She’s told me how much she struggles with depression, anxiety, and how “bad” her home life is. The reason i put quotes around bad is because i don’t really think her home life is bad, but who knows i could most definitely be wrong. But this is how i see it. She’s an only child. Lives with her mother and her step father in a big beautiful home. (Her home is actually gorgeous, im not exaggerating) she has a nice car, and has a cat. She claims about her mother being the most evil mean person. That she’s inconsiderate of her feelings. Her mother has had to deal with stopping jane from committing suicide multiple times. Dealing with the hospital bills and the aftercare of the situation. Imagine what that does to her mother, knowing her child wants to die. So because of that her mother is very strict only for the safety of her child. She knows that Jane drinks, does drugs, and stays out late. So this is where the heads start to clash because she yells at her for doing those things but she fails to change any of her reckless behavior. I know depression can be a hard whole to dig yourself out of. But it’s not impossible. So many people support and love her but she pushes everyone away and makes decisions she knows she shouldn’t.

#5

She says that i don’t deserve to be in her life because i dont respect her or value her feelings. But if i didn’t respect her or value her feeling then why would i have put up with her for 7 years? 7 years of nothing but trying to help her better her life and/or making it easier. How can she expect people to respect and value her if she doesn’t respect or value herself?

#6

She says that she’s “aware of everything I’ve said about her”. I very rarely ever talk about Jane to other people So this confused me. I’ve only ever talked about her to my mom because i tell my mom everything. But the more i thought about it, the quicker it clicked. I did have have a conversation about jane to one of her close friends (we’ll name him Dan). He talked about how she always goes for the wrong guys and that he has to walk on eggshells around her because as soon as she gets her feeling hurt she’ll ignore him for a week. I responded with “i think shes a little lost and she needs help getting on the right track” this is all I’ve said about her. I didn’t say anything else and I’ve even told this to Janes face. So it wasn’t a secret that i felt this way. So a little more about Dan and I. We meet through Jane. She introduced us after i said he was cute. She said very good things about him. That he was gentleman and how much manners he has. And that he wasn’t a “hook up with girls” kind of guy. Dan is in the air force and he was back for 2 and a half weeks (i think) so after we talked about jane. He said that he was trying to lose his V card before he goes back to the airforce. I instantly knew what he was trying to get at. He insisted on us hanging out, but i knew what that would entail. And I’m not that kind of person, i can’t just hookup with someone i barely know. So for the passed week he kept persisting on us hanging out and im a very busy person so even if i wanted to i had no room on my schedule for him. I told him im the wrong tree to bark up and i apologized if i gave him the wrong impression. He got mad and stopped messaging me. And the next day was when jane had messaged me with all these accusers. This is really the only situation i could think of where i talked about Jane. But i could be completely wrong. Maybe Dan didn’t say anything about me, maybe he did. I don’t know yet.

Overall this friendship has been mentally exhausting and has cost me a lot of money. I can’t say I’m sad it’s over. I could only do so much for her until i become collateral damage. Maybe it’s better this way. People come and go but we all move on.

I know this was very long so thank you if you reached the end. And if you catch anything where I’m in the wrong, please let me know. I like to learn from my mistakes and grow from them. Thank you.