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april 13th, 2020

by spookichick

my blood sucking  mother’s 80th birthay and the day i will be killing myself.

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14 comments

Cause of Death: Suicide 6/14/2019 - 11:52 pm

Do you want to talk about why you have described her as blood-sucking? I feel bad for you, but also that’s pretty funny. Is there a special reason you will commit on her 80th. Are you staying alive just for her until then? Or for you?

Once 6/15/2019 - 12:44 am

I’m curious what would happen if she were to pass away before that date, for whatever reason. Could that alter things?

spookichick 6/15/2019 - 4:39 pm

good question. if she were to pass away tomorrow, i would not be unhappy. she is manipulative, calculating, controlling, very bright “straight A student in university”, always has to play the “victim”; i could go on and on…
she never wanted me to begin with, and resented me for being born. she has been emotionally abusive to me for the majority of my life, and now she is doing what she did to me, to my son jonah. i resent her for many legitimate reasons, and she resents me .i am not perfect by any means, but she is basically a major *****.
i am in the process of cutting her out of my life, and i am working hard to reach that goal. she its extremely healthy and independent, and she wants and expects to live for at least 10 more years. she goes to the gym every morning, is active socially, culturally, scholastically, she is on several boards for various charities, she has a lot of money, presents herself as a pillar in the the jewish community, yada yada, yada. she is a GREAT ACTRESS, and has many people fooled. my therapist agrees with my assessment of her, and suggested yesterday that i take the”high road” and rise above her. not in this lifetime. so, i would probably change my plans if she died tomorrow.

shatterediris 6/15/2019 - 6:50 pm

But if you live, you can cut all ties with her but not with the community she values being part of and that might not reflect well on her character in the eyes of the other people in the community…. Or maybe just completely cutting ties would be enough? I know my mother gets “hurt” when I ignore her, I know she doesn’t actually care, it just makes her feel like she was a bad mother that her “son” is ignoring her, I’m sure if I was dead she’d be less impacted overall. -_-

spookichick 6/16/2019 - 2:08 pm

interesting that you would say that because she has already told many of her friends in the community that i have cut her off, and guess what? she made herself look out to be the victim once again, and they all feel sorry for her. she refuses to take any responsibility for the damage she has caused me in my life. i am certain that i am not in their good graces. nice, right? the thing is, is that i have done SO much for her over the years; especially since my father passed years ago, you would think that she would acknowledge ANY of it. she has not. i have been “the black sheep” in my family since i can remember, she had put me in that role since i rebelled at 12 years of age.
it sounds like you have issues with your mother as well…i can relate. i can’t tell you how to deal with her, but i can surely understand and empathize with you. xox

Hope Dream Love 6/16/2019 - 3:01 pm

yeah i get that. i was like their slave. i moved out because……i was working nights and i didnt trust her to wake me so i stayed awake all day all night then all day. then i slept that night and did it again. and then did it again. then she asked me to cut wood. first of all im not suppose to i have 2 lower back problems. second i was exhausted from working. i made a fair deal. i sleep first or a friend helps. nope. so i said ok. but she also had me raise my oldest youngest brother because she was busy being stone. i taught him his colors numbers alphabet. but she went around telling people she made him smart. no…he takes after his sister fucking b****. anyway now thanks to her i refuse to have my own kids in case my mental disorders take over. i want to always be there for them and i never want to hurt them. i feel this is the best way to avoid that no matter how sad it makes me.

rocketman 6/15/2019 - 6:04 am

I’m sorry, nobody deserves to feel that way, I hope things get better before then. I don’t like sad endings.

spookichick 6/15/2019 - 6:30 pm

thank you rocket man. xox

Rainwatch 6/15/2019 - 7:34 am

Hi Spooki, one thing I think you should give your mother is this. She produced a daughter of the highest standard, whether it’s a question of genetics or the way you were raised, you’re a high standard person. I want you to know that reality!

spookichick 6/15/2019 - 6:29 pm

thank you so much for saying that. it means a great deal to me. YOU are VERY special, and i hope that you know that. xox
p.s. please read my reply’s to “once” ‘s response to my post. xox

Hope Dream Love 6/16/2019 - 7:19 am

Yeah. My mother’s a b**** too. She physically and emotionally abused me and tried to keep doing it after I moved out. But I cut off all contract to her. Although mentally I’m not doing any better I do remember the good things she taught me. Like don’t feed others what you wouldn’t eat. And how she taught me to take care of my baby brothers. I won’t forgive her for putting me in the state im in now. But I will take the useful things she taught me and even the bad things, by seeing them as bad I know to do the opposite. Trust me when I say I hate her. If she were to ever talk to me I’d call the cops, but I still try to see the good in the bad. Things that I can use in life.

a1957 6/16/2019 - 2:20 pm

Sorry you experienced this abuse. Your mother fits the text book definition of a Victim Personality.

a1957 6/16/2019 - 2:52 pm

Yep, saying bad things about you after receiving much good from you helps confirm the victim personality she appears to have. For what comfort it is, I have heard other victim personalities people doing their blaming act. It is an act. After a while it starts to ring hollow in some ears. Mine certainly.

I also see a hint or two narcissistic personality disorder in her behaviors.

a1957 6/16/2019 - 5:35 pm

Your writings certainly resonate with me. I cut off my mother about 30 years ago. It needed to be done.
More recently I stopped interacting with my stepdaughter. A resolution of some sort would be good if I or she and I can find a way to get it.
My mother is dead now. Fine with me. I am not unhappy about that.

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