my brothers birthdays have past and tomorrow it is my turn. but…..i dont want it. its nothing but i reminder that i fucked up. i fucked up big time. most people would shrug their shoulders and say so but i have morals. and……but i thought…..thoughts are lies, wtf was i thinking. he treated me like shit. i dont know who i hate more. him or myself. i knew better. im so fucking stupid. i want to stand on the edge of a bridge and look down. i shouldnt have ever….. and now i get to celebrate one of the worse mistakes in my life, just fucking awesome.