Fuck, it didn’t work

God dammit. I feel like the worlds biggest failure. Can’t even overdose on heroin properly. Got a half gram with my last 40 dollars and snorted like half of it over a day or so. Then when I finally worked up the courage or a case of the fuck it’s or whatever I of course didn’t get the needle like I knew I would need. Snorted the rest in a huge stupid ass line I was sure would work. Guess it’s going to take more than that. All I remember is snorting it. Laying down and then I was half blacking out stumbling around the house running into my useless unloving parents trying to say that I was just super dehydrated and shit. I don’t even remember laying back down but I do remember them checking my eyes and telling me to sit on a chair they put in the hallway and filling up a glass of water a couple times. Fucking woke up the next morning out of dope and still alive. Idk guess I gotta go pawn something or rob the dope man. Idk. Fucking ridiculous. Next time I’m getting like 2 grams and eating one and snorting the rest. Still gotta say fuck needles but then again maybe it’s worth it for that final euphoric buzz and to just make sure. I hate booze so I’m not mixing it. Got some Xanax and barbiturates. Just need the h. Clearly overdosing on h is harder than you would think and that was with like no opiate tolerance. Guess I’m too big for that. Least I get decent dope. It’s pretty raw and euphoric. That fentanyl shit you get west side of Chicago gives you the nods but not the euphoric buzz. I’m just sick of failed attempts. This is like the 3rd time Ive basically had overdose symptoms and haven’t died. I know why I keep failing. I don’t want to waste any dope. Couple days of erupic buzz to work up and then blow the last of it but I’m pinching penny. What do I care if I do 3x what I need to fucking die. I’ll be dead. Not like it’s going to waste. It’s a worthy cause. Here’s to magic number 4.. hehe number 4 heroin now there’s irony. Maybe that’s what was missing a truly ironic death.