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Guilt

by SwimmingPearls

This morning i was fighting with my mother because she is forcing me to go to a psychrist and get on a treatment and also because she wants my father and sister know that,even though i dont want because im totally embarrassed. My mon started beating me, and i got so angry that i punched her back and she fell to the floor. Im so embarrassed about that and i really hate myself for being such a violent. I deserve to die, and even if i dont, i wish i did.

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8 comments

thehusk 6/29/2019 - 4:43 pm

That sounds like a shitty situation to be in. I don’t think you deserve to die for that. It doesn’t sound like your mother knows how to cope – she shouldn’t be beating you no matter what you say.

Hope Dream Love 6/29/2019 - 4:45 pm

No you were defending yourself it’s ok. My mother use to do the same until one day I hate enough. We were arguing and she slapped me across the face and I slapped her back. I think seeing me stand up for myself shocked her because her jaw dropped, her eyes widened and he hand went to her face like wtf. Honestly I know the rule “don’t hit your mother” however there’s an exception to every rule and when you’re standing up for yourself because she’s physically abusing you that’s the exception in this case.

Soda 6/29/2019 - 11:33 pm

I agree with the others here. You were simply defending yourself. Going to a psychiatrist should be your decision. Ideally nobody should be hitting anyone, neither parents nor kids.

Like it or not you do live under their roof so if they feel they can’t control you then they might consider kicking you out of the house. It’d be best just to try to resolve your differences through discussion.

Maybe you should apologize to your mother if you feel guilty for punching her but explain that you don’t want to be hit ever again.

Perhaps what they’re advising you is truly in your best interest and what harm is there for you to see a therapist? Just keep in mind that we don’t exist in a vacuum. Sometimes what you do can affect others and even if they seem like they’re being mean at the time, maybe they want to help but it is expressed in the wrong way.

rocketman 6/30/2019 - 4:45 am

Protect yourself only and get away deescalate, never try to win a fight with your mother.

Hope Dream Love 6/30/2019 - 7:47 am

that isnt always an option. my mother was on top of me with her arm across my throat. i was suffocating and i couldnt get her off so i had to bite her. then my step father held ME DOWN and she slapped me across the face and now because of it i occasionally inhale deeply out of the blue….like when one is trying to breath. sometimes your only option is to win the fight or else you can drastically lose.

rocketman 6/30/2019 - 8:20 am

In that case win the fight! Protect yourself! There is always exceptions to the rules, he feels guilty he knows he is more powerful, it’s hard to walk but I think he would feel better.

rocketman 6/30/2019 - 8:50 am

Cindys Heck Corner , I am not passing judgment on you, I have been in similar situations, what I said I feel is solid, if you have that option it’s the best thing to do.

shatterediris 6/30/2019 - 8:09 am

I don’t think you should feel guilt for punching somebody that was beating you. Sadly guilt isn’t rational, so it does make sense to feel still. πŸ™

I had one physical fight with my mother, which was far less serious than yours. My mother just hit me once and was stopped by being shown that I will defend myself if she continued. After that I felt mostly fear since she broke the only trust I had left for her. Luckily I was able to move in with my father after that, I did not tell him exactly what happened.

Nobody has a right to physically harm you without your consent, not even your mother.

I’m sorry πŸ™

also psychiatrists can help, but not really that much if you aren’t the one wanting to see them.

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