I keep spending more money on things that I can’t eat, I keep telling myself I’m going to use them, but it’s now getting overwhelming the number of things I have to do due to this…. Argh I used to enjoy this hobby and I thought just buying lots and having goals to move towards would make this easier but I don’t even want to start because I’m shit, and I know I’m going to continue to be shit unless I start actually doing things but I am paralyzed by being shit…. I hate that, but I should just start daily I enjoy the thing, and I should try to not give much thought to how the thing comes out, it’s fine if it is shit…. You have to fail to improve I know this better than most people do, but it’s still hard to not be discouraged, still really hard horribly hard, especially when I know I’ll never be good at the thing. There’s so many things that I can do well, but nothing I do great. I have never mastered any skill in my life, I’ve only ever become competent. I hate that I just can’t stick with things long enough to actually progress past competence. There’s very few things that people would even start to say I’m good at, and that’s only because they expect very little from me…. I just wish somebody would tell me “that’s good.” without the condition at the end like “that’s good for being something you’ve done.” argh
I just argh, I want to scream but I’m too stupid to scream.