I’m so tired. And even when I do sleep, it doesn’t help. I just don’t want to try anymore. There’s nothing left in the tank. There’s no hope for anything. No real motivation. Just try and delay things getting much worse.
I want to stop, but not enough to overcome my fears and end it. I’m so full of hatred and negativity, and I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I’m angry at reality, which is so fucking pointless, but again, I don’t know how to stop. To let go of this expectation that things should be ok.
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i get your anger. i hate everything too. did you ever go for a walk in the woods away from everything and enjoy watching the fish in a pond. or a butterfly flutter by. i find getting away from the things that make me angry allows me to clear my mind and remember the good in the world. personally i feel the human race should be destroyed. weve done nothing but take away the homes of the wildlife and made them our pets. kills thousands of trees. destroyed oceans. mankind is not meant for this world. not if the world is to ever be at peace again.
I like walking in nature, but I hate running into people while doing so – really spikes my anxiety. My favourite places are moorlands – where you can see people coming miles away and avoid them.
But I think nature itself is pretty cruel. I don’t think it’s much fun being a wild animal, constantly preyed upon and struggling to survive. I don’t think there’s much peace there.
So, it sounds like the most difficult and possibly the best thing you can do for yourself is to come to terms with “what comes next.” With all the stories of NDE”s and the peace people feel as they move towards the light, I wonder if the joke is on us – life sucks, death doesnt. What if it’s the most unbelievably peaceful and beautiful experience ever? Who knows.
If only one could know ”what comes next”. NDEs seem to include as much fire and brimstone as peace and tranquillity – it seems to depend upon the psychology of the individual. I really hope it’ll be peaceful and beautiful…but I don’t know how to overcome the fear that it won’t be. Fear and guilt have such a grip on me. A part of me longs to just let go, but I don’t think I can.
I’m there too