Life is Pain x3

I was big into swimming. I loved the sport and everything about it, then I had one coach. I will refer to him as Steve here. I started out the season with vigor and a yearning in my heart. However Steve was not a nice guy. The problem wasn’t that he was mean or that he yelled, I could handle that. However, I couldn’t handle it when Steve abused me. I couldn’t tell anyone at first, and I didn’t. As the season went on I started getting sick to miss practice. My parents had no clue and made me go. I decided that if life was this bad, there was no point. The first time I tried to hang myself, I was 12. I used bedsheets and attached them to my ceiling fan. The fan broke and my mom came in, but by then I made it look like I was fooling around. Nothing changed and I didn’t speak up. The second time I also used bedsheets as they were inconspicuous. This time I was able to sturdily attach them, but I didn’t fall right and instead of snapping my neck I started to choke. Instinct kicked in and I untied the knot. The third time I used a dog leash, by then I was too heavy and the support broke yet again. At that point there were only 40 practices left. I started to pray, pray that Steve would get better, and yet while he did, I still felt like I had to die. It was then when I told my parents everything. I started getting help and without using medication at all I was able to overcome it. That was 7th grade. That was last year. This year I have started to enjoy life. As stupid as it sounds, I try to treat my friends and schoolmates like they are my family who need to be protected and happy. I have seen the better sides of life. I have realized how an early death is not the answer to a fulfilling life. I urge anyone who is reading this and is also experiencing feelings like I did, to speak about it. Tell anyone at all. Anyone who has compassion towards you. You are not alone. Death is not the option. Life has so much to give, let then give you help.