I tried ending my misery since I was 14, took 18+ tablets of paracetamol with a combination of other otc pills only to throw everything up with a bad case of stomach ache. slept with a kitchen knife under my pillow ever since hoping to gain enough guts to run it through my chest. when i graduated highschool i stayed at my dad’s place and a voice inside my head kept urging me to jump off from the 12th floor. “it’ll only take 3 seconds to go splat. it won’t hurt.” the voice told me. but i never picked up enough courage to go through with it. i tried hanging myself last summer, almost could have succeeded if my brother didn’t barge into my room. my parents cried but the next day i was “just being silly and manipulative. ”
been constantly looking down from the 13th floor of my dormitory ever since. it’ll only take 3 seconds to fall, then there’ll be peace and quiet. just climb up and fall back, it won’t hurt.
this summer i’m going back and i’ll be sure to do it somewhere other than at home. this way no one would barge in.
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Doesn’t it drive you crazy to have to wait so long before you can kill yourself? I feel like I’ve been waiting forever but it’s only been 14 years. I was planning, praying nightly on shooting myself in the head with a shotgun seven years ago but then my gun was taken away. I was supposed to have already killed myself. I am afraid to be alive and life is not worth living through (giant waste of time) to me.. I always kind of feel like I am being watched which is also kind of creepy..
I don’t really have another good method, but jumping like you said sounds good. I don’t know anywhere real close I could jump from. I know of a bridge about 3 hours from here or there’s a lake but if I were going to kill myself out by the lake I’d rather just shoot myself in the water..