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im better off alone. im better off dropping my friend and leaving my husband.

no. im not better off. they are. they just cant see it for some reason. if i cant make them leave i guess its up to me to walk away.

after we move. i cant leave him alone in the middle of this. i will wait until he gets settled first.

i hope you two understand that its for your own good. if/when i do leave…..
please dont come find me.

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26 comments

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:18 pm

Be prepared for them to do just that; come and find you.

Why do you feel like they are better off without you? What exactly is it that you feel is intolerable about yourself?

If you want to leave because you’re unhappy with the situation or interactions with these people and you think it would help YOU… that’s different. Then I say go for it.

If it’s just that you’re bashing yourself and hating on yourself, that is a whole different thing. People everywhere you go will eventually care about you. You can’t escape it. If these two people truly care about you, I say you should embrace it (but like my question earlier already hinted at, I don’t know why you think they shouldn’t care)

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 7:24 pm

i do nothing but cause problems. when i talk to my friend its all about me. im always causing arguments between my husband and i. i cant do anything right.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:42 pm

It takes two people to communicate but it’s so easy for things to get fucked if your thought process is just caught in a negative space. Sometimes it does cause arguments (but it will come from either party). I think a lot of people just kind of mirror what is coming their way. If someone gets snippy with you, you may react in the same way unless you can just stop for a minute and think. There are times in my experience that it’s me overthinking something that wasn’t meant to be a “Jab” or a personal attack

Do you take enough alone time to gather yourself? To regroup by doing something you enjoy? I’m gonna go ahead and bet that the people around you love you, and you’re not a negative influence. You may be struggling, but you don’t seem like some horrible person.

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 7:46 pm

i dont have any time for “me time” especially with the move. its always work sleep and cleaning whenever i have time for it.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:49 pm

Maybe you could speak up and take some time? Every person has a snapping point you know?

If you need alone time, just take it. I need it often. Don’t drive yourself mental, just take some time for yourself

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 7:52 pm

im too tired all i do is work and sleep. and we cant take time off work. he and i work together and he doesnt know my part of the job and if we both take time off the boss takes like twice what we make out of our pay. example if we make 5$ they will take 10$ because they have to pay someone else to do our job and they pay them more then they originally pay us and they take it out of our pay.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:53 pm

What?

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:54 pm

Could you Tell him to work and take one day off? Just take a minute to breathe and think and do something?

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 7:56 pm

no by the time he was done work it would be the next night lol

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 7:59 pm

Hmm I’m confused, but I’m dumb 😉

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:01 pm

to put it simply work it stupid and if you take time off youll go broke in that 1 day. which we cant afford because we just bought a trailer and now we are behind on bills. we deliver newspapers and amazon packages.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:08 pm

Start interviewing for other jobs? Waitressing was easy money for me. I’ve had many different types of jobs and I know I can’t do sales for the life of me.

Also, retail sucks… but if it’s a well known place they can only go so far taking advantage…. there are “eyes” on them more so than a “mom and pop” place. Buuuuut if you find the right “mom and pop” place, that can be lovely.

Would you consider being a receptionist somewhere?

Orrrr anything else?

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:00 pm

Like, I mean… only YOU take time off?

Or is it that you want more time with him?

Or am I just totally confused?

I really am curious

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:01 pm

^ I meant only you take some time off (is what I’m trying to say)

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:03 pm

i cant take time off because i keep things organized. i know where everything is. and he doesnt know my paper routes. and when youre doing slightly over 200 papers together…thats a lot.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:09 pm

Ah, a different job is a musttttt for your sanity

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:11 pm

we cant get a different job. at least i cant. i got kicked out at the beginning of gr11. and i have no official work experience. no one would hire me.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:21 pm

Nah, they will hire you! You just have to put on a mask and keep it firmly in place. Most places don’t need you to have any specific experience (especially serving/food industry), and if you just say something like “oh, I was taking time to soul search and doing random odd jobs on the side”. Just ‘be’ eager to start working there. Talk about how you are just moving and feel you’re starting a new life.

^its a game getting a job

Also, I’m slightly worried because you said “we “ can’t get another job. It’s not about him right this minute if you’re feeling so crummy that you want to run away or burst outward. He can get another job after. It’s improtant to take care of yourself enough that you don’t feel awful.

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:27 pm

he can get another job but the pay here is good if you know how to get it. which we do. the problem for him is he doesnt want another one. me….food…..lol yeah before or after i yell at someone or get fired in the first 2 days. i cant handle high stress until i know what im doing. if i know what im doing im fine. if im working cash ill drag the first person over the counter that says i fucked up. nope i just handed it to you so dont hand me your problem.

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:32 pm

You have to bottle that part up and pretend you care (unless someone really is an asshat).

Yeah, people can be annoying… but some of them are pretty fucking awesome. I used to always put myself in a specific role for working (when dealing with the public). You just have to ask questions and try to separate the other shit happening in your head from it all.

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:41 pm

you make it sound easy. i dont take being stepped on so lightly. i dont care who they are. right now theres this guy at work and hes done nothing but disrespect me than asked me for a favor last night. the next time he tries to step on me im going to tell him hes never to speak to me again or im calling the cops on harassment. and i will. idc who he is. hes a stoned, disrespectful, self centered, erratic driver, asshole. who knows nothing. “turn your music down” “it is down” “i can hear your bass” “oh well i cant change that” 1) yes you can its call TURN YOUR FUCKING VOLUME DOWN I HAVE A HEADACHE 2) it isnt even suppose to sound like that. youre not 15 anymore grow the fuck up and show some respect to others we dont want to listen to your stupid music. i listen to music all the time WITH HEADPHONES! sorry he really pisses me off

visual eyes 7/6/2019 - 8:34 pm

^and I mean bottling stuff up or pushing it aside only for work purpose (especially if you become a waitress or barista, or do a retail thing)

If something unacceptable happens, that’s different… otherwise, you have to “behave” at work. You just push certain things away so you can make the money needed to get by (and to be able to take days off and do things you want)

Hope Dream Love 7/6/2019 - 8:43 pm

you cant let people walk over you no matter what or else they will just do it again and again and again. you have to teach them they have to back off or they wont. there is no reason for anyone to disrespect others and they have to learn that.

rocketman 7/6/2019 - 9:40 pm

I don’t have anything to say, but I hope sooner or later you will be looking back at all this crap and thing’s will be better. People can really be a pain in the ass, I had some around me fortunately they are gone now.

Cause of Death: Suicide 7/7/2019 - 5:54 pm

If I left to be alone now, which I’ve always wanted to do for the thrill of it and to look for greener pastures. Sadly my health has declined so bad I’d probably find myself dead in the middle of a canyon, meadow, evergreen forest, just flat on my back. And I’d die in literally no time at all. I am not even strong enough to be alone anymore. When I know I am completely alone, I will assume that will be around the time I pass. I’m not afraid to leave still. If I get too close to death, I’ll have to walk away. I could save me some time and find a sense of peace beforehand.

lifeproject 7/8/2019 - 2:58 am

Seems to me you are hopelessly overstrained. Talk to your partner and work something out.
What you are doing now isnt working well.

Dont go into a clash, just communicate. That goes for work problems also. No, you dont need to have people stepping on you. But not paying attention and just walking away works just as well. Dont try to fight the whole world.

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