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.. but, I have to!

by Yikrens

i am trying to kill myself every month


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Cause of Death: Suicide 7/27/2019 - 3:51 am

I would never willingly choose life. I’ve planned since 2006 to kill myself by shotgun to the head. I’m supposed to be dead since 2012, but I was stopped in an attempt by children of my biological parents whom I have always hated. (Yes, I have always hated both my parents and their children. LMAO XD)

Yikrens 7/27/2019 - 4:44 am

I go any month to another Dealer to buy Heroin for 30 – 120€ and take 0.5g I.v. at once. I do not want to scale for fun, if I could I’d get a blister of 8/16mg Hydromorphon to stick all in once into my Vein.

A shotgun would be too inhuman.

Cause of Death: Suicide 7/27/2019 - 9:41 am

I’m a bit afraid of heroin actually. I have always heard it is peaceful, but I’ve never tried heroin and I don’t think it’s a good idea with my particular DNA. I don’t think I could even handle the high of the drug. Is it really as peaceful as people say or is it kind of anxiety-inducing and tweakerish? I always felt like heroin would cause me high anxiety. But that’s just because when I was young I presumed it would mess with your mental faculties so much to make you trip really bad. I have looked around a bit for heroin in my quest to commit, and I found a seller recently but its hard for me to decide. I am attracted to the shotgun route because I am invisible and nobody knows or cares about me. And the people that do know me, i do not love nor would I want them to know me. And the people that want to control my life, I do not want them to be in my life nor would I want them around when I commit or even to care that I commit or do any sort of special gathering in my honour – so inhumane, I guess you could call it that – but the only thing I hope is done when I commit is my records are updated from living to deceased. I don’t even want anyone to find my dead body, lol. I have gotten rid of most of my belongings already, only holding on to the bare minimum. So, I mean, shotgun is good for me because it is something I can travel with so when I go into the forest – kind of like what people do in aukigora – I can carry it along with me until I get deep enough to where my body wont be found. It just depends how urgent the need to die is, depending on how, and where.. circumstances always change. Say something terrible were to happen to me and I’d have to commit today, then I’d probably go and vogue to hit up the dealer and shoot in my bedroom, but I don’t think it would be nice for them to find my body like that.

Yikrens 7/28/2019 - 12:17 am

Depending on the Heroin. They are modulating 4 different types of Receptors. If it is on the kappa receptor, it can make anxiety as it pushes your heart rate. In common, especially the first shot of heroin is filled with acoustic hallucinations, filmsy sight. It is wonderful how smooth your body, lightweight all the movements suddenly get. Disabled People tend to unintentionally harm themselves, trying to move against the physiologics of the skelet or muscles. It keeps you awake.

Highest doses make you anxious, pathetic and in panic.

lostone 7/27/2019 - 6:30 am

Please forgive my bluntness but I need to know. If you have access to heroin and hard drugs, why aren’t you dead yet? In my country all I can get is allergy medicine and that doesn’t work for sh*t.

Yikrens 7/28/2019 - 12:27 am

Most of them are just not made to intentionally kill someone. Most of them are just wrecking your body after like 10-150 uses. Named Methamphetamines, Amphetamines. I dosed them up, like, being awake for 6 Days. It is hard to obtain enough that all in the pump is glibberish. It is like to spend 200€ without expectation and getting just a pure single-rotating methamphetamine and then get through the month.

Opiates are way quicker to kill, but some of such are still rare things for which one might search weeks with no luck. I make often a 5 Hour travel to get mine. Does the one fit, do I have enough, no scamming happened, is it safe to carry money along..
However, medical Grade opiates can be consumed through all life without any problems to the body. Heroin itself is numbing you nerves in the arms and legs, it is making your muscles rigid, to recover takes a toll.
Dealers suddenly are turning to be your Health Advisors. “Don’t take all at once, it is strong.”, sure, not me…
Or they give you silly things and you are like, have the money, you can need it more then I.
I do not like to give more then one can need. Only customer who are alive are willing to pay.

Through this, I could had needed a partner. To make gathering of all this stuff is not easy doing it alone.

And Last: You can not fail too often, if you do, you can count on being in an forensic psychiatric facility for up to year(s).

lostone 7/28/2019 - 2:57 pm

Thank you so much for that information. Like a lot of people I just assumed that an overdose meant just taking a lot at once and then you die. But what you said makes more sense. This is actually good information because now I will avoid trying to die that way (1 big dose). As you said, failures will only make things worse.

Yikrens 7/29/2019 - 2:04 am

I would like to give more, it ain’t easy. I bet I am a better assistant then apllying this for myself. If you want, you can find mixed information on http://www.voy.com

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