You sound like a sweetheart, you don’t have to look for people on sites with problems there all around you! And I don’t know of any? This site could be used for that purpose far as that goes but I wouldn’t suggest that anyways there are great people on here but I wouldn’t try to find people with problems on purpose I would just try to find a nice guy that you could get along with , I don’t know the extent of your emotional problems but you are working! You sound very nice! You can find someone out there, you just have to let your guard down a bit, be smart about it! Go on a date, enjoy a burger a movie, be up front that your cautions and shy, just be yourself. You will find someone that accepts you the way you are eventually, it happens all the time. Don’t do anything your uncomfortable doing, but you have to put yourself out there, your not looking for someone to cure you , just someone who likes to be around you, they will if you show you have potential to be a good partner and they will stick it out. Telling people all your problems is not a good idea, “unloading” but a little at a time is OK, you need to just get out. like I said just enjoy a burger and chit chat. That’s how it’s done. It would be nice if you struck gold on your first shot out but that rarely happens, it takes time and it should.
Thank you, but I feel like I don’t deserve anyone ‘normal’. I feel like I would be just like a poison to them. I’ve realized if I got together with someone who’s already ‘broken’, I couldn’t break them anymore. Maybe it doesn’t make any sense, but this is how I feel. I’m sick and I don’t want to make anyone else sick. But maybe I’m overthinking again… You’re right, I need to let my guard down and let things happen or I’ll stay unhappy forever. Thank you for your help! I’ll try my best.
I’m sorry to hear about the environment you were raised in. Everyone has a breaking point even the strongest of us. I’ve experience a lot of heartache and suffering as well. I used to be a confident kid but experienced some bullying in my early teens but the real reason I lost my confidence was that I realized I was low in the pecking order and came from a poor background. Also I had a nerdy/gawky phase in high school.
That struck me to the core of my being, I became depressed and like you I was shy and quiet. People would ignore what I’d say. However there came a turning point where I let a couple of people get away with insulting me and then I was pretty angry after, and that’s when I had enough and vowed never to let anyone put me down again and I succeeded. I threw crap right back at anyone who tried to throw it at me and it worked.
The old confident me started coming back. I began changing my behavior, started acting confident even though I didn’t feel it/usually kept my guard up. Then I hit the gym and looked a lot better and actual realized people were intimidated by me. But for a long time I was still felt like a sad loser on the inside.
Still I managed to date a number of pretty girls but they were never the ones I really wished I was with, I didn’t have the confidence for that. Now of course I feel sorry for myself for all the missed opportunities and I was basically afraid of my own shadow at the time. Today I’m ok and not afraid of people though still get a little intimidated by hot girls. 🙂
Getting back to you, given that you’re doing well now, you sound like you’d be a good catch for any decent guy. I used to be like glass-fragile, I didn’t realize how close I used to be on the verge of tears at times cause I felt so low inside.
So if you want to get into the dating world (but it applies anywhere), you’ll need to be like rubber not glass. Just let things just bounce right off you and don’t take them personally. Give guys a chance, some will let you down, some are just looking for one thing but if you want to find that special someone then you’ll need to be ready to take some negative experiences. Sort of like finding a new apt or house, you have to check out different places until find one that fits your needs.
Just remember you’re not less than anyone else. No one has a right to put you down and you deserve to be happy and to find someone who cares for you. Perhaps in the situation you were in people made you feel worthless. Keep in mind they’re lowlives and rather than being a friend they put you down so they were evil people and you shouldn’t base your self worth on the opinions of bad people.
If you want to find a nice guy I’d think the library might be a good place. Usually well read/educated guys also tend to be caring and nice like me. I’d advise never to settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy, but also don’t look for perfection since I haven’t seen such a thing, except maybe Henry Cavill (Superman). Hehe 🙂
Speaking personally when it comes to dating, I’ve always had the best experience meeting girls in person, either at clubs, bars, malls or through friends and they’ve been very attractive. I’ve never had much success in online dating. However I treat it as a numbers game, sometimes you can get lucky and find someone great.
Actually maybe trying online personal sites (like POF.com) might be a good way to start for you until you feel ready to meet people in person. Online you get to see how people react to you without actually being there.
Last point, you don’t want to open up about your past too soon with any guy, give it a few months. If he is an understanding person then he’ll be sympathetic. I know any girl I date will have her own history. So I’m not going to ever hold that against her and I tend to be pretty supportive by nature. So long as no one is trying to undermine me or use me then I’d be more than a best friend to her.
I’m also planning to get back in the dating world soon but need to sort some things out in my life first. Best of luck to us both. 🙂
I’m sorry you had to suffer as well. And it’s good to hear you’re doing better and that you were able to build your confidence back even if it’s a little. It’s not easy, so that makes you strong. Thank you for all your kind words, you actually made me smile and I can’t remember the last time I had done that. And also thank you for your advice, it’ll definitely come in handy. I have to finally take some action or I’ll be stuck in this dark place forever. Good luck with sorting your life out and finding a good partner you deserve. Take care 🙂 🙂
Maybe this is a test for you, a good opportunity to provide you with a chance that you can establish independence and learn to feel whole and secure on your own. I can recommend a site for you to look on for a boyfriend/girlfriend, I would say sanctioned suicide. It is a forum with many topics: methods, chats and all. I would recommend you browse the site and you could post new topics looking for romantics, etc.
Maybe it is a test, but I don’t think I’ll pass it. I hate being alone all the time and I feel like I’m dying from the inside out. I’ve even read that chronic loneliness can lead to many physical diseases and even cause a heart attack. Humans weren’t made to be alone and I’ve been isolated way too long for my own good. Thank you for trying to cheer me up though and for your help. I’ll definitely try sanctioned suicide if my life doesn’t change.
Do such sites exist? Yes. They are called: real world… Really.. You dont need to look on some special site to find broken, anxious people. They are everywhere. Everyone is fked up. Everyone is anxious (at least to some extent). Some people hide it and pretend that they have no problems at all but almost everyone has some relatively serious problems. I would bet all my money that that guy that asked you out was anxious as fk about your response. And I bet he was even kinda relieved when you said no, because going on a date would mean even more anxiety for him. And the fact that he is good looking means nothing.. trust me. I consider myself good looking but despite that I am a 20yold virgin. Maybe you could reach out to him and tell him that you changed your mind if he is still around.
I think many guys would like to have a girl like you thats a bit shy but loving. I know I would for sure. I mean I was always alone too. Recently I met a girl who I thought was my first ever girlfriend but apparently not. She is kinda the opposite of you. She knows every guy wants her and she behaves that way and that kind of girl was too much of a challenge for me since I have never had anyone before. She eventually just told me that she really had no feelings for me and she didnt mean it seriously and that she didnt know what I was expecting. So ye I think many guys like me would prefer a shy girl that just loves me for who I am over this kind of super confident one that plays these weird games where you have to pretend that you dont care about her so she can feel like you are a challenge for her.
You are just overthinking. I know where you are coming from.. I can relate. My confidence was torn apart by my dad. I tend to overthink stuff too but you need to stop. It really does more harm then good especially with dating. The thing that you thought the date invitation would be some kind of a “prank” is a perfect example of overthinking. Dont think. Just act on autopilot. I have never asked any girl out until very recently because I was always overthinking: what if she says no? what if she will just straight up laugh at me?? just fk all that.. I think it is the best to just turn your brain off in these situations and just go on autopilot. Like if you are jumping from a high cliff to water. You are scared and thinking about what could happen to you but at one point you just say fk it, you shut the voice in your head off and just jump without thinking about it .
You’re right, he was actually quite anxious. I could see he was hesitating before coming up to me and he was slightly blushing. I thought it was cute though. He comes to my workplace quite a lot and I wanted to approach him a few times after I had declined, but I didn’t have the courage. It’s been 5 months since then and it’s probably too late now anyway. He could’ve gotten a girlfriend by now. But maybe I’ll give it a shot. No, I will give it a shot but I may need some time first. You know, clear my head first and calm down a little.
Also I am really sorry for what that girl did to you. I hate people like that who play with other people’s feelings. I mean if she didn’t want a serious relationship she could’ve said so right at the beginning. That was really cruel of her and maybe it’s wrong to say this but I hope she experiences the same pain she gave you in the future.
And yeah, I overthink a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but my mind won’t shut up. Sometimes I just wish I could lose my memories or something. To forget every single thing that’s been done to me, to forget every single word that’s been said to me, so I could get that weight off my shoulders and be more confident. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. I need to seriously work on myself.
Anyway thank you for your response, it made me feel a little better. You’re a really nice guy. I wish you find a loving girlfriend because you deserve her. Good luck, stay strong and don’t give up 🙂
Ye I think you should give it a shot 🙂 you have nothing to lose at worst he will tell you that he has a girlfriend now. That wont hurt. I think you shouldn´t wait too much, like jumping of a cliff I said. The more you wait the more you overthink and the higher chance that you will talk yourself out of it 🙂 You really have nothing to lose 😀 Wish you luck.
About my ex “gf”… I dont want to wish her bad. I mean ye she kinda hurt me but I think Im almost over it now… The way she did it really was so crushing too… One day we were kissing for hours I thought everything is amazing and we were texting each other a lot and everything… Then next day we went out to some club with her and her friends and she would just not talk to me all night even talking to some strangers guys at the bar with one of her girl friends… I was kinda drunk at that point, I asked her whats wrong and how she feels about me after all and ye… then she told me that she likes me but didint mean it seriously and she wants to go home. So I went to her flat with her and then as we arrived she just calls up some dude who picks her up right away at like 5am and she went with him to her ex… I was really crushed after that. But I think its ok now. I still wish her good. I mean she probably has her reasons. I dont ever wanna judge people coz you never see their entire story.. Just a narrow frame and that really doesnt tell you anything about them. Maybe if I knew more about her situation I could understand. Well at least I have finally kissed someone at 19 years old 😀 I just need to stay positive and you too sorry for that little rant on your post lol 😀
I just hope I won’t get too awkward and make a fool out of myself xD I can’t even imagine how awful you must have felt but I’m glad you’re over it now. And seriously you really are a nice dude. Like I don’t know if I would be able to forgive something like that. But on one hand you’re right, we can’t know what she’s been through and what was going on in her head. Sorry I spoke that way about her, it was rude of me. I don’t even know her. And it’s no problem really. I vented and you listened so it’s only fair I listen to you now. Btw it’s amazing how positive you are. Can I borrow some of that positive energy of yours? I promise I’m gonna give it back… probably 😀 No, but seriously I used to be such an optimistic person. I wonder where did she go.
Sure you can have it! 😀 Well Im not always so positive definitely not in my head but I am really trying to be. At least when Im interacting with people. Fake it till you make it as they say and it really works 🙂 . Just try to consciously act more positively and after a while you will start believing that you are an optimistic person again. It makes me smile if I made your day just a bit better. You see positive energy spreads around and then it comes back to you (negativity too) 🙂 If you ever feel down or just wanna talk dont be afraid to hit me up on my email: kubatibik@seznam.cz I have tons of spare time at the moment and Im kinda bored and also I for some reason really enjoy talking to people online. You seem like a really nice person too I am sure you will eventually find someone special that will work with you through your traumas and all that shit. Have a nice day and stay positive even if you fake it 🙂
fearandnofeeling7/3/2019 - 6:58 pm
Thanks, it means a lot 😀 If you feel the need to talk too, here’s my email – rhyrie@tuta.io
I really hope you’re right that I will find someone eventually. I’ve always been lonely, but it never bugged me even half as much as it does now. Sometimes it makes my heart ache, so that probably doesn’t mean anything good. But well, I’ll try my best to go out there and finally do something about it 🙂
Have a nice day as well 😉
Btw, are you from Czech Republic? Your email gave me a hint but maybe I’m wrong. If I’m right then we’re neighbors, I’m from Poland. Don’t feel pressured to answer if you simply don’t want to 🙂
Hey you. This is a rare post where I feel like I could have written almost the same thing and meant every word. Lonliness is my biggeat problem in life. I rarely talk to anyone. But I like talking to people..
Lets be lonliness friends then! ^.^ my email ia devinbelver@yahoo if you would like to talk!
15 comments
You sound like a sweetheart, you don’t have to look for people on sites with problems there all around you! And I don’t know of any? This site could be used for that purpose far as that goes but I wouldn’t suggest that anyways there are great people on here but I wouldn’t try to find people with problems on purpose I would just try to find a nice guy that you could get along with , I don’t know the extent of your emotional problems but you are working! You sound very nice! You can find someone out there, you just have to let your guard down a bit, be smart about it! Go on a date, enjoy a burger a movie, be up front that your cautions and shy, just be yourself. You will find someone that accepts you the way you are eventually, it happens all the time. Don’t do anything your uncomfortable doing, but you have to put yourself out there, your not looking for someone to cure you , just someone who likes to be around you, they will if you show you have potential to be a good partner and they will stick it out. Telling people all your problems is not a good idea, “unloading” but a little at a time is OK, you need to just get out. like I said just enjoy a burger and chit chat. That’s how it’s done. It would be nice if you struck gold on your first shot out but that rarely happens, it takes time and it should.
Thank you, but I feel like I don’t deserve anyone ‘normal’. I feel like I would be just like a poison to them. I’ve realized if I got together with someone who’s already ‘broken’, I couldn’t break them anymore. Maybe it doesn’t make any sense, but this is how I feel. I’m sick and I don’t want to make anyone else sick. But maybe I’m overthinking again… You’re right, I need to let my guard down and let things happen or I’ll stay unhappy forever. Thank you for your help! I’ll try my best.
I’m sorry to hear about the environment you were raised in. Everyone has a breaking point even the strongest of us. I’ve experience a lot of heartache and suffering as well. I used to be a confident kid but experienced some bullying in my early teens but the real reason I lost my confidence was that I realized I was low in the pecking order and came from a poor background. Also I had a nerdy/gawky phase in high school.
That struck me to the core of my being, I became depressed and like you I was shy and quiet. People would ignore what I’d say. However there came a turning point where I let a couple of people get away with insulting me and then I was pretty angry after, and that’s when I had enough and vowed never to let anyone put me down again and I succeeded. I threw crap right back at anyone who tried to throw it at me and it worked.
The old confident me started coming back. I began changing my behavior, started acting confident even though I didn’t feel it/usually kept my guard up. Then I hit the gym and looked a lot better and actual realized people were intimidated by me. But for a long time I was still felt like a sad loser on the inside.
Still I managed to date a number of pretty girls but they were never the ones I really wished I was with, I didn’t have the confidence for that. Now of course I feel sorry for myself for all the missed opportunities and I was basically afraid of my own shadow at the time. Today I’m ok and not afraid of people though still get a little intimidated by hot girls. 🙂
Getting back to you, given that you’re doing well now, you sound like you’d be a good catch for any decent guy. I used to be like glass-fragile, I didn’t realize how close I used to be on the verge of tears at times cause I felt so low inside.
So if you want to get into the dating world (but it applies anywhere), you’ll need to be like rubber not glass. Just let things just bounce right off you and don’t take them personally. Give guys a chance, some will let you down, some are just looking for one thing but if you want to find that special someone then you’ll need to be ready to take some negative experiences. Sort of like finding a new apt or house, you have to check out different places until find one that fits your needs.
Just remember you’re not less than anyone else. No one has a right to put you down and you deserve to be happy and to find someone who cares for you. Perhaps in the situation you were in people made you feel worthless. Keep in mind they’re lowlives and rather than being a friend they put you down so they were evil people and you shouldn’t base your self worth on the opinions of bad people.
If you want to find a nice guy I’d think the library might be a good place. Usually well read/educated guys also tend to be caring and nice like me. I’d advise never to settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy, but also don’t look for perfection since I haven’t seen such a thing, except maybe Henry Cavill (Superman). Hehe 🙂
Speaking personally when it comes to dating, I’ve always had the best experience meeting girls in person, either at clubs, bars, malls or through friends and they’ve been very attractive. I’ve never had much success in online dating. However I treat it as a numbers game, sometimes you can get lucky and find someone great.
Actually maybe trying online personal sites (like POF.com) might be a good way to start for you until you feel ready to meet people in person. Online you get to see how people react to you without actually being there.
Last point, you don’t want to open up about your past too soon with any guy, give it a few months. If he is an understanding person then he’ll be sympathetic. I know any girl I date will have her own history. So I’m not going to ever hold that against her and I tend to be pretty supportive by nature. So long as no one is trying to undermine me or use me then I’d be more than a best friend to her.
I’m also planning to get back in the dating world soon but need to sort some things out in my life first. Best of luck to us both. 🙂
I’m sorry you had to suffer as well. And it’s good to hear you’re doing better and that you were able to build your confidence back even if it’s a little. It’s not easy, so that makes you strong. Thank you for all your kind words, you actually made me smile and I can’t remember the last time I had done that. And also thank you for your advice, it’ll definitely come in handy. I have to finally take some action or I’ll be stuck in this dark place forever. Good luck with sorting your life out and finding a good partner you deserve. Take care 🙂 🙂
Maybe this is a test for you, a good opportunity to provide you with a chance that you can establish independence and learn to feel whole and secure on your own. I can recommend a site for you to look on for a boyfriend/girlfriend, I would say sanctioned suicide. It is a forum with many topics: methods, chats and all. I would recommend you browse the site and you could post new topics looking for romantics, etc.
Maybe it is a test, but I don’t think I’ll pass it. I hate being alone all the time and I feel like I’m dying from the inside out. I’ve even read that chronic loneliness can lead to many physical diseases and even cause a heart attack. Humans weren’t made to be alone and I’ve been isolated way too long for my own good. Thank you for trying to cheer me up though and for your help. I’ll definitely try sanctioned suicide if my life doesn’t change.
Do such sites exist? Yes. They are called: real world… Really.. You dont need to look on some special site to find broken, anxious people. They are everywhere. Everyone is fked up. Everyone is anxious (at least to some extent). Some people hide it and pretend that they have no problems at all but almost everyone has some relatively serious problems. I would bet all my money that that guy that asked you out was anxious as fk about your response. And I bet he was even kinda relieved when you said no, because going on a date would mean even more anxiety for him. And the fact that he is good looking means nothing.. trust me. I consider myself good looking but despite that I am a 20yold virgin. Maybe you could reach out to him and tell him that you changed your mind if he is still around.
I think many guys would like to have a girl like you thats a bit shy but loving. I know I would for sure. I mean I was always alone too. Recently I met a girl who I thought was my first ever girlfriend but apparently not. She is kinda the opposite of you. She knows every guy wants her and she behaves that way and that kind of girl was too much of a challenge for me since I have never had anyone before. She eventually just told me that she really had no feelings for me and she didnt mean it seriously and that she didnt know what I was expecting. So ye I think many guys like me would prefer a shy girl that just loves me for who I am over this kind of super confident one that plays these weird games where you have to pretend that you dont care about her so she can feel like you are a challenge for her.
You are just overthinking. I know where you are coming from.. I can relate. My confidence was torn apart by my dad. I tend to overthink stuff too but you need to stop. It really does more harm then good especially with dating. The thing that you thought the date invitation would be some kind of a “prank” is a perfect example of overthinking. Dont think. Just act on autopilot. I have never asked any girl out until very recently because I was always overthinking: what if she says no? what if she will just straight up laugh at me?? just fk all that.. I think it is the best to just turn your brain off in these situations and just go on autopilot. Like if you are jumping from a high cliff to water. You are scared and thinking about what could happen to you but at one point you just say fk it, you shut the voice in your head off and just jump without thinking about it .
You’re right, he was actually quite anxious. I could see he was hesitating before coming up to me and he was slightly blushing. I thought it was cute though. He comes to my workplace quite a lot and I wanted to approach him a few times after I had declined, but I didn’t have the courage. It’s been 5 months since then and it’s probably too late now anyway. He could’ve gotten a girlfriend by now. But maybe I’ll give it a shot. No, I will give it a shot but I may need some time first. You know, clear my head first and calm down a little.
Also I am really sorry for what that girl did to you. I hate people like that who play with other people’s feelings. I mean if she didn’t want a serious relationship she could’ve said so right at the beginning. That was really cruel of her and maybe it’s wrong to say this but I hope she experiences the same pain she gave you in the future.
And yeah, I overthink a lot. I know I shouldn’t, but my mind won’t shut up. Sometimes I just wish I could lose my memories or something. To forget every single thing that’s been done to me, to forget every single word that’s been said to me, so I could get that weight off my shoulders and be more confident. Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. I need to seriously work on myself.
Anyway thank you for your response, it made me feel a little better. You’re a really nice guy. I wish you find a loving girlfriend because you deserve her. Good luck, stay strong and don’t give up 🙂
Ye I think you should give it a shot 🙂 you have nothing to lose at worst he will tell you that he has a girlfriend now. That wont hurt. I think you shouldn´t wait too much, like jumping of a cliff I said. The more you wait the more you overthink and the higher chance that you will talk yourself out of it 🙂 You really have nothing to lose 😀 Wish you luck.
About my ex “gf”… I dont want to wish her bad. I mean ye she kinda hurt me but I think Im almost over it now… The way she did it really was so crushing too… One day we were kissing for hours I thought everything is amazing and we were texting each other a lot and everything… Then next day we went out to some club with her and her friends and she would just not talk to me all night even talking to some strangers guys at the bar with one of her girl friends… I was kinda drunk at that point, I asked her whats wrong and how she feels about me after all and ye… then she told me that she likes me but didint mean it seriously and she wants to go home. So I went to her flat with her and then as we arrived she just calls up some dude who picks her up right away at like 5am and she went with him to her ex… I was really crushed after that. But I think its ok now. I still wish her good. I mean she probably has her reasons. I dont ever wanna judge people coz you never see their entire story.. Just a narrow frame and that really doesnt tell you anything about them. Maybe if I knew more about her situation I could understand. Well at least I have finally kissed someone at 19 years old 😀 I just need to stay positive and you too sorry for that little rant on your post lol 😀
I just hope I won’t get too awkward and make a fool out of myself xD I can’t even imagine how awful you must have felt but I’m glad you’re over it now. And seriously you really are a nice dude. Like I don’t know if I would be able to forgive something like that. But on one hand you’re right, we can’t know what she’s been through and what was going on in her head. Sorry I spoke that way about her, it was rude of me. I don’t even know her. And it’s no problem really. I vented and you listened so it’s only fair I listen to you now. Btw it’s amazing how positive you are. Can I borrow some of that positive energy of yours? I promise I’m gonna give it back… probably 😀 No, but seriously I used to be such an optimistic person. I wonder where did she go.
Sure you can have it! 😀 Well Im not always so positive definitely not in my head but I am really trying to be. At least when Im interacting with people. Fake it till you make it as they say and it really works 🙂 . Just try to consciously act more positively and after a while you will start believing that you are an optimistic person again. It makes me smile if I made your day just a bit better. You see positive energy spreads around and then it comes back to you (negativity too) 🙂 If you ever feel down or just wanna talk dont be afraid to hit me up on my email: kubatibik@seznam.cz I have tons of spare time at the moment and Im kinda bored and also I for some reason really enjoy talking to people online. You seem like a really nice person too I am sure you will eventually find someone special that will work with you through your traumas and all that shit. Have a nice day and stay positive even if you fake it 🙂
Thanks, it means a lot 😀 If you feel the need to talk too, here’s my email – rhyrie@tuta.io
I really hope you’re right that I will find someone eventually. I’ve always been lonely, but it never bugged me even half as much as it does now. Sometimes it makes my heart ache, so that probably doesn’t mean anything good. But well, I’ll try my best to go out there and finally do something about it 🙂
Have a nice day as well 😉
Btw, are you from Czech Republic? Your email gave me a hint but maybe I’m wrong. If I’m right then we’re neighbors, I’m from Poland. Don’t feel pressured to answer if you simply don’t want to 🙂
Hey you. This is a rare post where I feel like I could have written almost the same thing and meant every word. Lonliness is my biggeat problem in life. I rarely talk to anyone. But I like talking to people..
Lets be lonliness friends then! ^.^ my email ia devinbelver@yahoo if you would like to talk!
Just sent you an email 🙂