I fear.
I fear that if I travel to Cameroon, a country so far from Canada, so far from what I’m used to, so far from justice for sexual assault victims and the ever present aftermath of the #MeToo movement letting me know that help – adequate help – is only a phone call away, I will lose.
I will not sleep in peace.
I will be raped in my sleep. Repeatedly. By any man that pleases.
My father pointed out that I should only by skinny jeans when we went shopping today. He said that any other type of pants isn’t flattering on me. Doesn’t hug me the right way. I only felt discomfort then, but that has now snowballed into full-blown fear for my life.
And I can’t do anything. Or say anything. Because the only thing that’s happened to me so far is my brother molesting me. And that was because he was feeling horny. So he molested me in my sleep. No one will ever stop reminding me that kids his age are curious, and like to discover their sexuality. That 15 year old boys touch everything they see all the time. They want to explore.
My body has become a playground. To be “explored” by pubescent boys at their will. And it will soon become a playground to every Cameroonian man wishing to get his hands on me. Any man wanting to pur their hand up my skirt or get inside me as I sleep. And with a family mostly made of men, I have nothing to do.
But fear.
2 comments
It’s not “he just molested me” as if it’s a minor incident. That happening isn’t normal.
Little kids touch things they are curious about in an innocent manner. At 15? He should know better about consent, appropriate touch, and not messing with his sister in her sleep.
I’m sorry people around you keep trying to minimize what happened since they don’t want to deal with it.
Your body means you have a choice, you have a right to your privacy and the only voice that matters on what happens to your body.
Lock your door, barricade it. Sleep with a knife if that’s what makes you feel safe. Such measures shouldn’t be necessary in your own home, but unfortunately things often aren’t as they should be.
As for Cameroon, i cant say what happens there. Do your best to learn how to defend yourself, and that will help minimize your fear and give you a proactive defense against deviants.
Is there anyone else you can live with? Have you considered pressing charges against your brother for sexual assault? I personally would do whatever I could to get out of that family. Maybe if your mother is decent you and her can move out together. Probably best not to go to Cameroon if you can avoid it.