I left college today a bit late. We have some upcoming projects to cram for so we (actually, just one of the members and I) took an appointment to meet the HOD. He didn’t appear on time in the college campus and so we had to wait, only to leave college at 6:30pm. The streets got busier once we were out in the main road waiting for the signal to turn green. My head was blank, I promise. Besides, with hell lot of medication, I hardly had felt anything strange. We were waiting for too long. The signal didn’t turn green yet but I saw there were no cars racing towards me, at least I didn’t see, I swear. All I felt was my friend pushing me off the crossing and heard the screeching car with brightest lights stopping right close to me.
It was big chaos, people screaming and my friend losing it on me. I hardly could understand why I was there.
But right now, somewhere deep inside, I feel strange – actually feeling nicer whenever the thought to be hit and run comes to my mind and I don’t know why.
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Yes isn’t that how it is..? at first you fear death and touch, play at it like a kid putting his/her finger on a burning stove, but then after a small taste, you start to worship the possibility that it may actually come for you. I fluctuate between fear and admiration. I think I have set myself some really strict quarters on how I want to greet death, so I fear the possibility of dying in some form that I have personally not prepared for.
1) I do not want to be murdered in any form – unless a consensual agreement has been made.
2) I do not want to die young by organ failure out of the blue when I least expect it.
3) I do not want to become paralyzed or so disabled that I am completely hindered by all the world’s pain and am unable to even commit suicide as I desire.
4) I do not want to die by a broken heart or rotting away in a prison cell