im lost….so so lost in my own abyss of do do in the noggin. im so so scrambled its hard to want to do any of this anymore. it just doesnt seem worth it. i hate myself. i do bad thing to myself. deliberately doing things to make me worse. one of these days…..im so so screwed. just off now please. end of story. kaput. no more no more, F this just wont stop. note to self. FU.