It’s been a while. 6 years in fact.
Everyone I knew off here is either dead or doesn’t want to know me anymore. Except maybe one girl who doesn’t speak to me often. I knew a lot of people here. I even found the person I loved on here, Amy. Then she broke my heart, and I found out the hard way that I was never to love anyone the same again, and that love cannot endure a passion for suicide attempts. Also, the first person who I could talk to about myself I met on here, Charlie, who was everything to me, all that’s left of her now is a few very old insights on social media into her troubled teenage life. The people I met here have been on my mind a lot lately.
I’m astonished this site is practically identical to what it was back then. The layouts are the same and even the posts from when I was last here are preserved in its history. It brings back many memories. I’m surprised given this day and age some parental action group hasn’t closed the place down.
I’m an adult now, soon to (hopefully) have a degree, ready to emerge into life for the lack of job prospects available. Still, I find myself with the same thoughts that everyone I knew either died or completely recovered from. To be here still suffering is almost a joke now. Perhaps I’m not confident enough to end it all. The time-alleviated pressures of parents and school eventually ended depression for most people my age, not me.
After this website I left for social media. At the time many people were there suffering the same, a majority of which were my age, allowing me to fit in on some level. I still have an account there, but the community is oddly filled with people selling products or themselves in some manner. I feel like an outsider.
So where to go but here?
I don’t even know what I want here. I guess an outlet. I might not even continue posting here. Regardless of what people say, I can confirm the numbness doesn’t go. It stays. It latches onto you. It gets worse the longer you are depressed.
If anyone wants to talk let me know, I used to be good at listening to people if nothing else.