So I drank some vodka popped like 3 barbiturate pills and snorted as much heroin as I could manage before passing out and I still managed to death rattle 4 fucking hours to be “saved” by my mom. Fuck my life. This is like 4 times failing to die overdosing on heroin. Yes it’s definitely heroin as I found out in the 2 weeks of being restrained first at the hospital and then at the mental loony bin that was worse than jail. If I had known it was this hard to die from heroin I would have been a lot less carful in the past. Fucking government propaganda. I guess all these deaths are people seriously trying to reach Oblivion. I clearly don’t want it bad enough. I guess number 5 is going to take being truely extra. I thought that was going to be enough i mean fuck I made sure I had no tolerance by laying off for weeks. Most embarrassing demeaning shit. Either I’m imortal, I’m in hell aready and there’s nowhere to go, or it’s just not possible to od and die snorting it. I’m going to have to get a needle to really make sure. How does anyone die from this shit? I did like 4 times more than would be required even to a acheive Oblivion and be asleep…Found out at the hospital the reason for all my pain..3 herniated discs. Now I know I’ll always be in extreme pain just makes me want to die that much more.
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I been in the loony bin 4 times and jail. I think, 5? I don’t even know why either, I think just cause I got these nasty wh0res following me, or maybe it was the disgusting perv3rts. Straght up, if I had heroin, I would try to overdose on it. I know someone who did, but he always used needles and probably was a sh*t ton cause his girlfriend and mom died. I prefer bullet because it shouldnt be that hard to get a gun. I havent yet because I have serious moneyissues because the jails keep taking all of my money. I don’t think i would use a pistol but shotgun is good. Pistol you could survive but seriously brain damaged. lol. But I would overdose on heroin if I had any or could get some, just prefer gun shot. Ive been trying for 5 years to get some heroin to OD but I can’t find any.
PS you prob can get like 700 bucks a month from social security administration. it’s called ssi supplementary security income. You got to be permanently disabled or go to the loony bin 5 times to prove a history of being incorrigible. Have you worked consistently? Gotta prove that you basically are unemployable and too retarded in some way to work. Idk its fucked I know plenty of people that are barely retarded that collect and people that really need it that can’t get it. I’m going to look into it cause maybe I’ll be able to get some free money for my herniated discs.
It’s easy to find. Any big city. People stand on like nearly every corner in Chicago selling the shit yelling out rocks pops blows and ice…or you go to like any pawn shop and hang around for like even an hour and you are going to see some dishelveled person that does it. They call it d, defense,h, hard, diesal fuel, fun fuel etc. People do bumps so ask people if they bumping along…way easier to to find than a gun. And cheaper too..a gun costs like 300 illegal and 100 bucks of h should be lethal. It’s euphoric as fuck especially if you shoot it which I’ve never done and overdosing is literally like falling asleep. Last thing I remember is blowing a bunch of huge stupid ass big lines and laying down on the bed and next thing is waking up to a bunch of EMTs after they “saved” my life with narcan…now I’ve got the demeaning shit of my bullshit parents trying to tell me shit about my drug “problem”. They don’t know a fucking thing. they threw out the rest of the dope I had laying out and all my weed but they didn’t find my main stash when they went through all my shit. I did that over a course of the past week and they didn’t know shit. They are trying to blame my behavior on drugs which I have to lol cause all the examples they bring up of my erratic behavior are all like times I was stone cold sober. I fucking hate them for not having my back and ruining my marriage cause I wasn’t around to save it myself cause I was falsely put in jail because of them. I’m done. They wanted to make me homeless cause they can’t deal with life. I just want to hurt them in the worst possible way. My mom wakes up with dreams every night where she didn’t get around to “saving” me. Good fuck her. Quality of life is more important than life and I’ve been reduced to stillborn baby. Cut the fucking cord. There comes a time when you live a life of pain for so long that the cure is worse than the disease. I’m not going to be a lab rat. I have no desire to put myself through years of more bullshit to maybe be happy on the other end and there are still the memories of the past that have never healed and are just burdens to be carried. I don’t like 99% of what I remember. Don’t use a gun it’s effective if it works but if it doesn’t you’ll be a lot worse off for the attempt. Someone will “save” you and you’ll be paralyzed from the neck down with half a face left getting spoon fed wishing you were dead.
I don’t even want to be happy lol. You have been reduced to stillborn baby lol. I realized young if I couldn’t leave or move on from my biological group real young like at 18, then dying would be better than having to stay with them. Idk, all the joy is sapped from my life when they are around. But that goes for most all families, I’m not a family type, I much prefer independence. The only way I can imagine not preferring death is if I could be completely alone for the rest of my life, none of those terrible social f*ckin retards to bother me in unspeakable ways.
Thank you for sharing your story. I read it with compassion. I care. You can hate me for that.
I really want you to know that no matter how low you fell, someone in the world cares for you.
Your anger has something to say. Yes, the world is crazy, crazier than you in general.
” Don’t use a gun it’s effective if it works but if it doesn’t you’ll be a lot worse off for the attempt. Someone will “save” you and you’ll be paralyzed from the neck down with half a face left getting spoon fed wishing you were dead.”
I get it. Anyway you should not consider suicide because it’s much worse even if you think it’s total annihilation as some people try to imagine here.
I don’t say that drugs are the main problem but rather self-hatred. And yes, your mother is a difficult person like many other shitty mothers.
C’mon guys no need for this, i understand your souffring kind of but you shall do something about it, you will get over it
Snorting Heroin or Opiates in General is so Dumb. You could snort NSAID for an better kick. Take Fertilizers as some are proven to be used in the action of intentional Self-Harm. You need Ascorbic Acid or Lemon Juice Pure to dissolve the Heroin to the Soup for your Veins. 100$ of Heroin can be too little, any Heroin is attaching to different Receptors, can make your Heartbeat High, your View can get blurry on the Down Sides. Up Sides, this is the Goal as the OD is Flawless useless, to trigger an Respiratory Depression is the Main Goal. Nalaxon etc. is your Enemy? Mix it up with Fentanyl, as, it can take more then just few Doses, but do not so if you must Pay that, not Worth so.
Drink Alcohol before to have higher Success Rates for Respiratory Depression (if you can still drink, I can not..).
Barbiturate is not to find on the Continent of mine.