There were a couple reasons why I wanted to be friends with you in the first place, some three or four years ago. Four years ago, you offered to help me when I was in…one of the worst states of my life. Top two worst times, I would say. You were kind, compassionate, and understanding of a completely alien situation. The second reason is because you are a noble human. And that is a special thing, one of the rarest things I have ever seen, especially in an adult human. You struggle, and you try to live honestly. You look for the good in people. You’ve had it hard, yet you still try to see something in humanity. When I look at humans, it’s a blessing if I don’t throw up a little in my mouth. You may not think you’re particularly compassionate, but I can tell you that you are. But most of all, you’re a good person. Or, you try to be. I don’t know if you are or not, and I’m sure like me, you have skeletons. We all do. But you try to be. I would say you go out of your way sometimes to try to be good. You don’t take the easy road, just because it’s easy. That’s a noble way to live.
You’re not perfect. You’re too trusting, naive even. I’ve told you that before. You’re quick to anger, quick to frustration, easily moved. This makes you fragile and brittle, even though you’re strong. Your self esteem is nonexistent. You more then anyone should remember that you are smarter then you think, stronger then you seem, and braver then you believe.
I’m a negative person. I don’t believe you’ll stay the way you are. As you grow older, you will need to make concessions to life, and you will become…less kind. Less noble. I believe that, eventually, old age will get you. It will get us all. As we grow older, either we become a pessimist. Or a narcissist. Or a materialist. We can’t escape it. It is hard wired into our monkey mind.
I think you sense this. Life pushes you, and you push back. That’s noble. That’s honorable. But then you die. And when you die, there is no hope for you to keep struggling to do good. You won’t be able to help anyone anymore, or even have a chance to be good. Or live with grace. None of your plans will ever work out. You’ll just be dead. I know you’re okay with that, but think about it. Think very carefully about it. Why are you pushing back? Because you don’t need to make the concessions when you can just die. But isn’t that the biggest concession of all? “I give up on trying to help others.” “I give up on my independence.” “I give up on living free of debts.” “I give up on this plan, or that plan, etc.” What concession are you not making, if you give it all up due to life flipping you off? You know this is true. You know this is the easy way out, and you don’t do that. Not if I know you.
I think you’re doing great.
Diem S. Sky