I have been sleeping far too much and eating not nearly enough. I have just sort of been existing, that’s about all. Eating maybe one small meal per day, with enough time before the last one that I can’t feel hungry. I can’t really see a point in this. Why do I even continue to live? My life will be wasted. I worry about my future but why? Just so I can tolerate 50 or so more years of this? I really should start doing drugs, but I know I don’t have the money for that…. I would miss them, and then I’d just end up even worse off. So I can’t. I’ve been cutting again a bit more in the past months too, I feel horrible about it because I had almost quit. It helps though. There really isn’t much downside to it anymore, I already am hideous and will have to keep most of myself covered up forever anyway, so adding more scars won’t do anything really. Also dysphoria has been so much worse than usual too.