So I left and took the car my mom and me co-own but that she made most of the payments on. I went and stayed with a couple of druggies that offered to let me crash for a while but not before I took 666 dollars out of the joint account I had with my parents and bought a bar of gold using my dad’s Amazon store card to makeup for the shit he broke and refused to pay for. The druggies let me crash on their floor with a mattress from Monday to Thursday when they robbed me. I went down to the basement storage to get the mattress for the night and they took the keys I left on the table and in those 5 minutes they went in my car and took like 500 bucks cash. It was locked like I did every time I left the car. The next day after I accused them they were awfully unperturbed about the accusation. I went out to hustle up some money selling crack and that’s when I found out that the one guy who had just pawned his tv for 125 bucks who I had driven to the pawn shop spent a 100 dollar bill with the heroin dealer and there was no way he should have had that much money as he had spent at least half on the crack we were going to hustle and even if he had sold all his crack he wouldn’t have had a 100 bucks because he had just spent 50 the night before on heroin. So I went back to the apartment at about 4 and accused em again of stealing my money and said I know you been spending 100 dollar bills you shouldn’t have. He says fuck you get the fuck out now and I was like not without my money and my stuff. He grabs a 2by4 with a nail sticking out of it and swings it at me hitting me in the side. That pissed me off and I tackled him to the floor and grabbed the 2by4 and started beating him in the head with it as I laid on top of him saying “fuck you piece of shit”. How dare you invite me into your house knowing I’m homeless and down on my luck and then fucking Rob me when I been buying groceries and getting everyone in the house high. Stuggled a bit and then ran out the door cause he was shouting to the neighbors to call the cops. Fled the house with the dealer that was waiting out in my car as I was just supposed to be stopping back for my Camelback water backpack. Drove off and went to a park and checked out the brusies on my forehead and side where he hit me with the 2by4. Had the dealer punch me good and hard in the side to make the bruise look better after deciding I better go the cops to try and get back in there for the rest of my stuff including my tv. lost the bar of gold and my bag of dope in the fight. It fell out my top pocket. Went to the cops and they went over there to see what was up and if I could be escorted to get my stuff. the guy and his woman had all my stuff piled up on porch except for my dope, my weed vape, and my bar of gold. They had a good story for the cops I’m sure so the cops couldn’t do anything about the 500 bucks they robbed or the 5 gram bar of gold. conflicting stories and my word against 2 of them making up bullshit so nobody went to jail including me. Left and used 50 bucks I had in the bank to buy some dope and then went back to my parents house cause I knew they should have left for Michigan for my cousin’s wedding by that point.nobody was home. Took another 500 bucks out of the joint account…went to the casino and won a couple hundred bucks playing poker. Went back again on Saturday and lost it all except for 240 bucks. Spent last 100 on dope and then went back on Sunday to try and win back money playing poker. Lost again after getting up couple 100 when called all in on the wrong bet. regreted it as soon as I did it. guy had trip 8s and called my all in on my 2 pair of Kings and 8s. Went back to the house broke and with no options left. Decided to kill myself this morning. took the rest of my heroin 4/5 of a gram and busted it down to powder. Took it all in a bunch bunch of lines one after the other and downed a quarte a 1/5 of vodka, half a 5th of gin and 4 Tylenol to potentiate the heroin. didn’t fucking work. Passed out for 4 hours and woke up with a gasp. I just can’t fucking die. before doing all that I wrote notes and mailed one to my ex who I’m not supposed to contact explaining that I’m dead and I just can’t live without her. I guess I really am in hell cause I just can’t fucking die. why do I keep living with all these huge doses of drugs? I guess 5 failed attempts makes me the worlds biggest loser. I might as well resign myself to living at this point.