I first became suicidal shortly after graduating high school which was 5 years ago. At the time i had the brilliant idea of pushing away friendd and family so that it’ll be easier for me to end my life. I found out that wasnt the case. The more i tried to push my mom away the closer she got. Its like she knew that i was planning on ending it. Thats back then when i was 17, now im 23, 6 years has passed, in those 6 years there was alot substance abuse alot of going to the pyschward, at time spending months. I was naive back then. Thinking that a pill can change everything. So naive i was back then. Now i know. I have a personality disorder, no amount of pills or therapy will change that. I have accept it, which is why i set my day for tomorrow. See yall in the after life-KR
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Of course you know your own life best so I can only assume you’re doing what you feel is right for you.
There were a few times in my life where I felt I hit ‘rock bottom’ as the saying goes and I really wanted to end my life and perhaps it would’ve been the right thing for me to do. But if I followed through with it then I have no doubt my mother would’ve ended up homeless since her health got worse as she got older so she couldn’t work consistently and none of my siblings would look after her.
So I’m glad I stuck around so I could help her out since she’s done so much for me and I don’t believe anyone deserves to end up homeless/destitute, esp a family member.
I’m only asking you to think about what could happen if you were not around. If you feel your family would be fine without you then it’s cool. You’re still fairly young and can work to make your life better.
Of course we’re all going to die one day, including my mother who is a pensioner now. I won’t really consider ‘exiting’ until I know she’ll either be fine without me or if she passes away first. That’s just the way I think about it.
It’s clear your family members care about you. If you feel your life is so intolerable that you don’t want to go on, I won’t try to convince you otherwise. If however your life is ok then you might consider sticking around for a while longer.
Believe me, when I hit my lowest point, all I wanted was to be dead without a care for anything or anyone else. But because suicide isn’t easy I was forced to try to make the best of my situation and I’m glad I did since I didn’t know what was in store for my family’s future.
Of course if I reach a point where I feel I don’t want to live anymore then I will also consider ending my life and my mother will have to make her own path. She’s a Christian and rejects suicide but I’ve discussed euthanasia with her so she would qualify if she chose to go that route. At least she knows her options in case I decide to go.
So I’d say give it some more thought and also to do your research before proceeding.
Thank you for replying. I do think about what would happen to my family if I wasnt around. Its why im so hesitant. But im too broken to function. My family will grieve, its natural. At this point, im getting everything together.
Cheers
My pleasure. I think we all have our breaking point so if you feel that you can’t make this life work out, I totally understand. When I reached that stated I decided to give it another couple of weeks to see if my mind changed and I did reconsider.
But ofc that’s up to you. My life is no paradise either so I do look forward to one day being rid of all the problems, issues, regrets that I’ve experienced in my unfulfilling life, I could probably write a book about it. Best of luck whatever you decide.
Can you talk to your mother or to someone you trust to quit your horrible medication? Tell her simply: If she doesn’t cancel your medication with all it’s devastating side-effects you will proceed to commit suicide and MEAN it. (you should also bear in mind that you need to gradually cancel the medication which is useless and harms the mind and brain).
You said you tried therapy. (which does not work for many people anyway). Did you know that herbal remedies, decent nutrition(and all of this comprises a large field) and many other types of alternative therapies can improve your life a lot more?
You can try all types of therapies to heal and improve your life. For example, you can use reflexotherapy, which boosts your positive energy.(it’s a sort of massage of some regions of the feet, as simple as that).
You can also listen to healthy music.
And more importantly, you can find meaning in life through philosophy, religion, art, etc. Possibilities are endless.
I was on medication myself and I DID recover. You also need to gradually shift to more positive thoughts and leave behind self-hatred, which is more devastating even than medication.
And if you did use drugs, then you know how devastating they are.
As for the thing “see you in the afterlife”, you don’t realize how much worse the afterlife can be. There are many people here who believe or rather try to believe that after death comes nothing. So in other words, they believe that by some “trick” (suicide method) they can annihilate themselves and go into oblivion unlike the rest of other suffering people who still choose to live.