to die surrounded by people who I love. either in the past, or in the present. but I am at the house of my parents, with my family. I did not thought of them, are not a replacement for me.
a mixture of drugs and medicine. maybe accompanied by the people around me who like to help me, feel me and have together separately the ability to rely. but I took 56mg of buphrenorphin patches from my dad.
I told dad about a Party on Friday. This Parent expected, said to me blatantly that I will end up at the hospital that night. I felt hurted. I explained, polytoxicomania is an illness, not an addiction, an passion or something within my decision, insisted from this Person who indulged me to excuse. But said it will not be possible.
I stole the pills from. Stores them in amount of 6 packages. I do not want to use them, are gross in any way. I used 40mg intravenous, it 4 of 30 Pills which I stole. I dissolved a patch of 14mg buphrenorpin in ethanol and water.
I will go on with another patch. I once took Methylphenidate intravenous and almost died by 80mg. It is isotrop and inotrop, raising Heart Rate and Pressure. I have 40mg of such left.
I miss any Person I love, really any. But I will not see them ever. My Plans today are Deadly. That Buphrenorphin can not be used with Narcan/Nalaxone.
My Dad is to me Now a Murder. Mobbing, Discrimination is Deadly. I am up to be Dead this Day. I already feel it.
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So, I made my preparations but also got I asked out for Tomorrow. Most of the Time I am careless for myself, so the Attempt fails. The attempt today contributes for the next attempt which is routinely any first 10 Days of an Month.