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Have you been “used” just bcz you’re kind???

by nutjobcantlove

I have been taken advantage of, because I empathise. Well, we all would have gone through this and learn a lesson at some point. But I never learn and it hurts, I don’t know how to change that part of me.

In my last post I had told about my friend who was diagnosed with some “fatal disease”, turns out it’s her imagination. I still pity her, I tried to calm her down and said I’d be there for her. I offered to fly across countries if her abusive husband wasn’t supportive. She had appendicitis and got it fixed this week. She had no insurance and asked me to send her money for the operation. I was busy at work with no time to look at my phone or even take a lunch break. She was annoyed bcz I didn’t reply for 45 mins. I understood her situation so I didn’t say a word and replied “I sent the money”. That was the last text in the conversation.

I had texted for the next 8 hrs to get to know her condition, if she was alright and stuff. She doesn’t bother to reply. I still think she must be not in a position to pick her phone, IDK. Don’t I deserve a text to have helped her in emergency or at least some one who cares?

I have been “used” by almost everyone I let in my life. Yet no one ever cares I am there for them while my tears are still unwiped.


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rocketman 8/16/2019 - 2:09 pm

Sure happens all the time, but it is partly my fault I also like helping, so I just don’t help more than I can afford to lose that way I don’t regret it.

nutjobcantlove 8/16/2019 - 2:13 pm

What would you say when someone asks for your help, and you are all they got (or makes you feel that way)?

rocketman 8/16/2019 - 6:21 pm

Hum? If I like that person I most likely will help them as long as it’s a hand up and not a hand out, it also would depend on what kind of help? That is a very difficult question.

Once 8/16/2019 - 3:54 pm

Empathy is a valuable attribute and a dual edged sword. Celebrate that you have and use it. Much of humanity has little use for it. As you have already seen, it can lead to disappointment, pain, frustration. But to be aware of another’s suffering and to wish to lessen it, that is a golden asset you should cherish. The trick is to learn restraint, which comes from being taken advantage of. Those who know of your penchant for empathy will, in many cases, seek to exploit it, not always maliciously, but will be drawn to it none the less. Ultimately, we are all “in it for ourselves”, to some degree. We all want what is in our best interests. If you examine your reactions to the needs of others, you will find that, at times, there is a voice of doubt screaming at you to “be careful here.” Learn to recognize that voice and learn to honor it. Sometimes saying no is healthy, despite the guilt created by doing so.

Once 8/16/2019 - 4:03 pm

You do deserve a reply from your friend. Sure, there might be a delay in receiving one from her, understandably so, given her situation. She might just not feel up to speaking to anyone else right now, if what she is telling you is accurate. If you don’t hear from her, text her to “check in and see how things are going.”

nutjobcantlove 8/17/2019 - 9:11 am

hmmm I wonder how some people are too self-centred and are convinced that the world revolves around them. I wish I learn to say no.

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