He Come Out of Nowhere, ‘Dis Guy

(Please read till the end) The title was meant to make me laugh. I have randomly been so tired and unmotivated. I haven’t been eating as much lately, which is weird because just last week I had been heavily indulging in Jack in the Box. This random week of depression came out of nowhere and I don’t know why. I am disappointed in myself because for a while, I was really motivated, I was working out twice a day, listening to positive audios, focusing on doing what I have to do to start my career. But all week, all I have done is sleep in. I work graveyards so the only meal I eat is something small before work and a snack during work. When I am home I’ll watch Netflix for a few hours and then sleep all the way until it is time to get ready for work. I totally miss a whole day with anyone at home.

The other night my mom told me, “You remind me of someone… You remind me of the old Richard.” That was her subtle way of asking me if I am feeling depressed. When she said that all I thought was, “Holy shit that is true.” I need to change my habits!

I now only come here solely to get things off my chest. Before it used to be that I was seeking advice, or attention, or someone to tell me to keep pushing forward or not to kill myself. I have gotten good at learning how to get myself out of these pits. I am just now realizing my recent habits and will now respond to them.

So if getting this off my chest helps me, I’d also like to help you.
If you are in a bad place right now or have been for a while, please, change your habits. Take it from someone who said fuck therapy, I’m doing this shit on my own. If you have a habit of listening to sad music, stop doing that. Delete all your sad playlists, delete that playlist that reminds you of him or her, delete that playlist that ‘relates so much to how you feel.’ Fuck that music, it is not helping. And don’t start listening to happy music either. “What am I supposed to listen to?” Listen to audios. Listen to Podcasts. Listen to guided meditations. I am not telling you to become spiritual or ‘woke.’ Meditation helps to clear your mind and put your mind into a better energy. I recommend listening to lectures by Alan Watts. Just search his name on youtube and choose one that interests you. If that is not your thing, listen to speakers with a story. My favorite speaker to listen to is Les Brown. He has an amazing story and upbringing. If you feel that someone to sympathize with you is not what you need, I recommend listening to Andy Frisella. He is more of a “I don’t give a shit what you are going through, you need to do this” kind of guy. He also created the 75Hard challenge, so if you want some sort of program to take yourself out of what you are going through right now, I highly recommend reading what that challenge is and some testimonials to encourage you to try it out.

If you have a habit of staying indoors watching Netflix or playing games all day, change that. Limit how much Netflix  you watch or how much time you play games. Give yourself tasks during the day and make games/Netflix the reward for completing those tasks. Set small goals like clean your room, organize your desk, go for a walk, etc.

Make exercise a habit. It will definitely change your mentality and emotions. Don’t just immediately spend 2 hours in the gym and run miles everyday, but take it slow. Do what you know you can do on day 1 and as you become conditioned, do more and more.

Accept the past. Too many of us are living in the past, I know. But accept that what happened in the past happened for a reason. Whatever situation you are in right now is a reflection of how you respond to events in your past. I understand for some, they might have had a traumatic past, but that is in the past. Don’t let your past remain in your head for you to define what your life now should be as a result of your past. Your life today is a result of your mind today. If in your head you tell yourself that you are good for  nothing, should not be here, or you will never stop feeling depressed; guess what? You will always believe that. Start waking up and telling yourself today will be a better day because I will be productive, I will identify bad habits and change them, and I will work towards not putting myself down. What you think about, you bring about.

Realize that you have to start making tough decisions. You have been too comfortable doing whatever it is you convinced yourself is acceptable behavior to cope with your depression. If someone in your life (or used to be in your life) is still causing you pain, remove them from your life. If you depend on someone or something for comfort, yet they/it is detrimental to your mental health, remove that from your life. Tell yourself, I need to move on because I want to get better. Get rid of certain mementos from past relationships or memories.

If you are in any way religious or believe in some higher power, know that what has happened and what is happening is happening for a reason. Whether you believe in God or some energy in the Universe, know that there is some purpose and meaning to why you are here. That is for you to discover through whatever means. Whether that be through meditation, spiritual awakening, new formed hobbies, or someone you will one day meet. Have faith that something is coming for you. In the meantime, work on yourself. There is a reason you stumbled on this post and read this far.

But if you don’t believe in a higher power or “things happening for a reason” then guess what. You are the way you are because of what you think of yourself, what you feel of yourself, and what you continue to allow for yourself. The problem is you. There is two versions of you, and the you that is so negative and self-diminishing only has power because you consciously and unconsciously given that negative you the power to win. You need to consciously give the positive version of you power before you begin to subconsciously give yourself positive energy. There is power in positive thinking and if you don’t believe that that is because the negative subconscious has led you to believe that. Read What to say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter.

Another thing that has become a hobby of mine that makes me feel joy and peace is hiking. I love hiking through the woods where it is quiet and peaceful. Where I can empty my mind and enjoy what beauty nature has to offer. Or even hiking up a mountain and getting a view of how vast things can really be. It sets a perspective of how small and insignificant we are in this world. How we are only here for, what 70-80 years? And I wasted 5 years pitying myself and feeling sorry for myself. How do I want to live the remainder of my life?

You can always seek outside help through means of therapy, support groups, friends/family you trust, or even this website. But what has helped me is the idea that “I can help myself get out of this mess. I am responsible for every action I take and what I think of myself. If I can change my physical and mental habits, I can change and better myself.” But you need to commit to that idea and believe that it will work for you.  I can say that it has helped for me, but you need to believe it will work for you. Not hope it will, believe it will. Seeing is not believing. First you must believe it, then you will see it.

After typing this out for you (and for me) I feel pumped and motivated. I promise to you reading this that tomorrow I will end my week with a productive day. I feel a lot better and I hope this helps you. I want to thank user likeastone for their kind words. Sometimes when I am feeling down, I go back to your comment and it motivates me. It pucks me up when I am down. I am grateful I was able to help you. And also to my old friend on here, littlebread, I still think of you. I hope you are feeling better and I hope things are going good.

To whoever made it this far, I wish you the very best. 🙂

-Rich