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I can’t…

by Wisp

I mostly really enjoy life with my boyfriend but it will inevitably only be temporary (we are in an LDR)… as in, we can only see each other in real life temporarily…

He’s rather intense and overwhelming. He’s very affectionate towards me… as I am with him. But I don’t want to sugar coat it. He already broke up with me once before…

The only Asian (I’m part white too) that he is actually close with is me. His other friends are pretty much a similar racial background to him, even if my boyfriend is more mixed. He told me about a girlfriend of one of his friends. He was able to speak to her in their local language, they were also born in the same country and then moved to another country and grew up there (same as my boyfriend). Imagine me and him doing that, it will never happen…. :/ It makes me feel left out.

Yeah sure his life is difficult, but he always has his rich parents to fall back on. We have a short term rental just for us because he usually lives with his parents. No prob with that except he wants his own place. But I think the comfort zone is just too big for him to leave.

The next few weeks will determine my future, and it looks bleak. Do I really want to go back on an approx total 18 hr flight to my own country after such a short time? No…

I won’t make it… As for him, maybe he’ll find a nice local girl.

This is really of my own doing. I see who other girls choose, guys with a stable financial future and who have $$$. Might be incredibly shallow but I guess for some it’s actually seen as practical.

Is anything really the same anymore, knowing that he did sexual stuff with his ex, not actual sex though (and he’ll always have mental images of it?)

Maybe I really need another boyfriend. But I’m not going to find someone else as twisted and messed up as him, I’m not going to find someone else I can mostly relate with…

I’ll eventually have to off myself out of necessity, not a choice… unless some miracle happens…

Meh enough babbling!!!


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rocketman 8/11/2019 - 3:16 pm

I didn’t know you were part Asian, but then again how would I, I just hope things go well for you.

spreject 8/11/2019 - 4:20 pm

Don’t know how it works for girls, but as a guy, the best way to stay sane as you try and mostly fail to date the opposite sex is to have male friends who accept you for who you are, who can relate to what you’re going through, and whose only expectation of you is that you hang out with them now and then.

As a guy, having male friends makes life bearable, even if most women don’t even notice you. Maybe it’s different for women, but otherwise it might be worth a try.

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