I was ok for a while

I really was doing better, or at least better at pushing those dread feelings deep down so far I thought I had actually become happy. I know we all have issues. It’s why we’re on the internet sharing our feelings instead of telling those we are close to about it. I have friends, I know they care, but they don’t understand what I mean when I say I’m getting bad again. They know I suffer from depression but they don’t grasp how deeply it actually goes and how it makes me just want to not be here anymore. I want nothing more than to just disappear and not like move but just end it so I can stop having these days of complete distraught and not knowing how to deal with it. I’ve been so good for so long got put on meds to help even but last night I just started to feel like I was sinking like I can’t breath I can’t have these feelings anymore. Why do I go from being ok to just wanting it to end.  Anyways I’m still here idk if any of the old users are still on here but venting on here helps me so thanks for reading