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Is it over?

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I go to the therapists Sept 10th. She’s going to fill out a form so I can go see a psychiatrist. After that I’m going to get my diagnosis. If it’s as bad as I think it is I’m gonna drop everything and say I can’t be helped. I hope it goes well but I have my doubts. We’ll see.

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shatterediris 8/26/2019 - 3:18 pm

You’ll be okay. All a diagnosis does is determine a name for a thing, you won’t be a different person…. Also you can probably be helped if you want to. But you are a great person as is. ^_^ (sorry)

Hope Dream Love 8/26/2019 - 3:26 pm

Sorry for what? Making me smile.
I know I can be helped if I want to. Sort of. I seem to have a bit of a personality disorder where I can go from sweet and innocent to don’t fuck with me. And a mood disorder where if I’m dealing with people I can switch emotions in seconds because of what someone said or if I’m alone I can change them. It doesn’t sound like much of a disorder because that probably sounds like a normal thing but there is no in between with me. I’m either bawling fuming or really happy. And most of the time the person has no idea why. And that hasn’t even started with my hallucinations that prevent me from doing my job or my 50 million types of anxiety that prevent me from doing a lot of things. Or my need for perfection that I kick myself over if it’s not perfect.
There’s just too many things. I don’t feel I can be helped. Not without narcotics. Which I don’t understand. Here have these drugs that will fuck you up and you can overdose on but don’t touch the weed there’s very little to no side effects. You’re not likely to get addicted and you can’t overdose. Yep that makes sense. No no it doesnt

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 9:03 am

All I can say is I hope things go well, I wonder what it is that makes you go from one extreme to another? I can do that but not that often, usually I blow up when things go wrong for a while like water heater breaks, I say well I guess it had to sooner or later? well i need to buy a new one and replace it! then I start shopping boy these things are expensive! but I got to buy one, so I find one and bring it home in the truck, of course it’s 110 outside, but nerveless i’m taking care of business, so i get it home and say how am i going to get this thing in the back of the house? then i fight with a dolly to move it, then i have to disconnect the old one, then i look at the fittings shit i have to replace them too! then i also have to buy soldering tools and fittings, so back to the store in the heat! I’m starting to get irritated, then I get a flat tire! after changing the tire I get to the store to buy those things, my card doesn’t work? WTF? So i’m wasting time calling the bank asking why? oh they say suspicious activity on your card has been noticed! can you confirm your last purchase? yes it was a water heater! oh OK the card should work now! Gee thanks, so i buy those things and head back home, it’s getting hotter! and i feel like i’m at war to get this done! so i say i’ll go in the house get a cool drink and relax a bit, then the cat bites my ankles! I exploded! GOD DAMMIT BIT’S QUIT BITING MY ANKLES!!! AND START CHASING HIM! COME HERE YOU LITTLE FXXXXX!
The story was designed to make you smile, GOOD LUCK WITH THE DOC. 🙂

Hope Dream Love 8/28/2019 - 9:36 am

Lol that was a pretty good laugh. And I think a big cause of my emotional problems is the high amount of stress and my past considering my mother is a narrsistic c*** and my father didn’t pay me any attention because I’m not male.

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 9:56 am

Well being honest I had somethings I have done or have been done to me that rocked my world, especially when I was younger, It was really hard not to think about them every minute and every second, those things depressed me everyday for years, it’s hard but you have to let them go. Start fresh and don’t let them control your life, it can take years! I woke up one day and said enough is enough! And things started getting better, YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE. You are in control of that, you are stronger than you think.

Hope Dream Love 8/28/2019 - 10:13 am

I know this but sometimes I dont see the point. I’d be fine if I could just see the point of living. I mean im going to die anyway. Why live fighting my whole life? I’m basically fighting to die.

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 10:41 am

I have thought about that myself, it almost destroyed me! the fact that one day you will die so why fight to make things better? That sounds like conman since right? why waste your time? and effort for nothing? The answer is because you are not dead! And won’t be for along time! So until you are dead you want to enjoy the best you can being alive, doing things that interest and you and enjoy, set goals in that direction, once you set a goal then you can make a plan to get there, then you can start living a life that is meaningful to you till you die. everything has a start and finish, don’t by pass the start and go right to the finish.

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 11:19 am

I know I spill a lot of positive stuff, BUT I THOUGHT LIKE THAT! I completely destroyed everything! Finances, you know what I mean EVERYTHING! To the point of no return I did it on purpose, I was ready to die, yes i bought everything planed out my death to the tee! I’m not joking, right at the last minute I said wait a minute? You did everything in your power to destroy your life? And here you are ready to kill yourself? What if you had done the opposite? Long story so I stopped what I was doing set a goal created a plan and gave it another shot, I’m glad i did, things are great now nobody likes to hear that when they are depressed, I understand, but yes if I can do it you can do it! SO DO IT! 🙂 Yes I still have my moments of depression but I work on what I can to change it, the thing’s i can’t change go to the back burner and i do not concentrate on them.

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 11:30 am

oh yeah did i live out the part it wasn’t easy? nothing worth having is easy, i suffered but things kept getting better i just kept my eye on the prize.

rocketman 8/28/2019 - 12:27 pm

leave 🙂

Hope Dream Love 8/28/2019 - 2:18 pm

idk mood disorder. some times im on top of the earth i can get through anything. other days please hand me a gun

Cause of Death: Suicide 8/28/2019 - 8:04 pm

Lol, aren’t those psychiatrists a real f*cking joke, lol. I would never willingly go to a psychiatrist but I’ve been forced to. It’s simple for me. I just come when they call, sit down, don’t look at them, and don’t say anything other than “No I am not thinking about killing myself every second of every day.” Then you get your diagnosis and the “doctor” gets paid.., it’s easy peasy. Doesn’t matter what my diagnosis is to me as long as they don’t touch me and I never have to be around them afterwords.
😉

I’d kill myself no matter what the diagnosis, it’s what I’ve always wanted, prayed and hoped to do and I don’t think some stranger “professional” could change my mind. Lol. I’ve planned to die young and commit suicide since 10 years old. I never had anything to live for and I would wish most years on my birthday candles that I would die before or around 18 years old. I don’t know why I am alive today …. I have not one reason throughout my entire 25 years of life why I would still be alive today.

I just avoid the pills because they fried my body and brain, I gained 50 pounds in three months one time when they put me on antipsychotics. I didn’t know why they had me on those though anyway. I thInk one time I threw a cup of milk and kicked a chair during that visit. Man I was obese after that, it took me 2 years to lose that weight. I used to walk 10 miles every day then I was brutally raped and I haven’t been able to walk since. Huh. Weird.

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