Experiencing a life time of hell right now. Physically mentally and emotionally tired. Suffering from all 3. I think I’m extra weight to the surrounding crowd. I barely see any importance of me. The people who tries to make others laugh deserves to be alone at the end. Failed socially again in a different perspective than any other time frame of my life. Still hoping for the best though.
That’s like whenever I think I’m in a positive mood something comes and crashed me back again worse than the early disaster. “Don’t ruin other peoples happiness if you can’t find your own”. Just grabbed me back when tried to the bright side. What a miserable life?
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Ya it is very important to me to let other people be happy, but very hard because I know at the same time that I could never be (happy, that is). But then again being happy, to me personally, has never mattered, lol. I get what you say that you are extra weight. I’ve never related to anyone at all or had any social relationships – so mostly I feel since I have alllllways just been a blob here, everyone can be much much much happier when I kill myself. But I really don’t even think like that because I’ve never been anything but 100% alone.. at least then.. at least those who know of me, won’t have to know of me any longer. I have already accepted that I will never have a job, a family, or a home.. all I will ever have is my suicide. I don’t know why they want to follow me and take that away from me.