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no personality

by android

Ive slowly been realizing that i have no personality.

dont know who i am. I feel like ive just been whoever i think i should be according to whatever type of people im around and whatever im interested in seems to follow that as well. Now whatever i think i like just has a huge question mark attached and nothing seems to matter. I cant find value in anything

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shatterediris 8/31/2019 - 7:52 am

You probably do have a describable personality. I felt exactly the same for most of my life (and still do) but I’ve heard other people describe my personality in some detail which wouldn’t be possible if I did not have one…. I feel like personality is more for other people, not so much for the owner. As for the behaving differently around different people I feel that’s probably normal too, I couldn’t imagine acting the same around each of my friends even…. They are all different people who I have differing opinions of and care about differently, so I certainly act differently around each. (at least I do hope that is normal :/)

I’m sorry if being annoying…. Also sorry that you feel this way, it’s not fun πŸ™
But welcome to the site. ^_^ (I am very sorry if you are not new, but I feel like you are?)

android 8/31/2019 - 3:40 pm

Im new everytime i come back… my personality is sad/boring ? thanks for the positivity tho

shatterediris 8/31/2019 - 5:04 pm

I’m sorry, I just don’t recognize you and checked and saw you had no other posts so I assumed new…. sorry about that.

Your personality probably isn’t sad/boring though. You could always try asking people if you really want?

android 8/31/2019 - 8:42 pm

I always delete my posts after a couple days… i dont wanna go back and read the stuff ive been writing… i mean no one would tell me if im boring, at least the people i do know are too nice ?

Hope Dream Love 8/31/2019 - 8:48 pm

I like to keep my posts. It’s like a timeline of my suicidal times vs my less suicidal times. Like back in September (damn that was a year ago already?) I was extermly suicidal and now I know that this time is worse because I’m more likely to pull the trigger. Figuratively. Mostly. I know I wouldn’t hand me a gun right now. How would I know that without my posts?

android 8/31/2019 - 9:03 pm

I think i just hate myself too much, i cringe when i read what i write. But yeah if it works for you. I dont think i have any motivation to get better thats why i never seeked therapy or anything like that. It just would be a waste of time cause i wouldnt want to actually improve. But props to you for actually trying

Hope Dream Love 8/31/2019 - 9:07 pm

I “try” to keep others happy. Honestly id love to be left alone to myself in the middle on no where only coming into town when I need food. But that’s not possible when people like you and you’re looking at them like “eww but why”

android 8/31/2019 - 9:22 pm

Lol yeah i feel the same, i don’t understand why the people that stay around me do stay around… sometimes i feel kinda normal but theres always something bringing me down.

Hope Dream Love 8/31/2019 - 9:30 pm

I’d like to know the same. I can be really depressing a lot of the time. Like literally all I talk about is death and how life sucks. I wouldn’t be my friend. But I’m me and I can’t not be me so I guess I’m stuck with me lol

android 8/31/2019 - 9:31 pm

You do actually want to get better?

Hope Dream Love 9/1/2019 - 2:18 am

Of course I do. I’d love to live a “normal” life. At least a life without the struggles I have. I get life is difficult and that’s fine you have to find ways around those problems but I know that will never happen. I know I’ll never be “Ok”. If depression was my only problem then yeah I can work with that. But my mood/personality disorders. My anxiety. My dislike for the human race because they’d do anything to “get ahead” in life even destroy others just to end up 6ft under like the rest of us. Point is i have a lot of things working against me and “Ok” just isn’t in my dictonary anymore.

android 9/2/2019 - 1:21 am

hey but at least you got hope, that’s valuable

shatterediris 8/31/2019 - 10:34 pm

I can understand deleting posts, but I generally don’t…. Mostly because lazy, also I do sometimes like to go back and read comments that other people left on them…. And cringe as I see the things that the me from years ago have said…. Just like I cringe when I hear a recording of my own voice, or see video or pictures of me. That seems to be a normal reaction though. :/

But while people won’t say you are boring, they’d probably be able to point out positive qualities that you have without much pause…. Which is good. I doubt you are boring to other people. (sorry for putting this here instead of a reply it felt like it kind of ish sort of related to the conversation somewhat.)

android 9/2/2019 - 1:33 am

yeah i like to see other people who feel the same but i usually just read posts here and there.
and i do actually I’m boring but i don’t necessarily consider it to be a bad thing but its just that i constantly feel like i need to do more and shut down. like when I’m around people and someone else seems to be bored i feel like its my fault and i get tense and in turn I’m even more boring to be around. idonno thanks for trying to be positive

shatterediris 9/6/2019 - 3:12 am

(sorry for seeing this so late)
Well if another person around you is bored, that sounds like a group effort…. You’re both boring xD at least when paired with eachother…. That is normal though I think? You won’t click with everybody…. Also I guess that it is true that being boring isn’t necessarily bad, but I still can’t believe that you are actually boring. Maybe you’re just a bit reserved? I’m sorry…. I do hope that you do find happy eventually.

Ennui 9/1/2019 - 4:42 am

same, I also feel like I don’t have a personality, or rather that I’m not a person at all. And I also cringe at myself when I read things I wrote (if I was expressing feelings)

android 9/2/2019 - 1:27 am

i feel you -_____-
do you also second guess yourself when you think you find something you like
also i made this https://www.reddit.com/user/squaretesta/comments/cykswy/ennui/

Ennui 9/2/2019 - 6:01 am

“follow instructions carefully” lol.
Yes, whenever that happens I chastise myself for being so self absorbed and egotistical haha.

android 9/5/2019 - 1:50 am

I cant take compliments from no one either, feel like theyre wasting thir time tryna say something nice

Ennui 9/5/2019 - 5:28 am

Same, and it’s not irrational. Most of the time compliments are meaninglessly bandied about so it’s safe to assume they’re insincere. Also, if I don’t agree with the compliment (which is most of the time since I dislike myself), why would I accept it?
I mean, I try to be objective, and most compliments are just empty flattery, so why deceive oneself by accepting it.

android 9/5/2019 - 4:01 pm

Yeah i dislike myself to much to just accept it without cringing inside.. Thats why i also never compliment anyone cause i think why would they want me to talk to them but it seems like its a easy way to make someone feel good about themselves and it doesnt seem like most people take em too seriously except for people like us that have to overthink everything-____- ?

Ennui 9/5/2019 - 4:12 pm

yes, I think people generally appreciate compliments even though they are aware that it is just well meaning flattery, since it is a way of connecting and bonding in a positive, uplifting way for people with a normal sense of self.

android 9/16/2019 - 7:21 am

I told myself that i would try to give random compliments to people but i havent even put it to practice… cant really compliment anybody if you spend the whole weekend at home in bed eating garbage ?

Ennui 9/16/2019 - 7:35 am

I know, I struggle with compulsive binge eating and the more I do it the worse I feel and the more I want to completely avoid people.
But I’ve been focusing on getting my habits under control, making sure that I eat in moderation but that I’m still well fed, because dieting usually ends up in an uninhibited binge eating spree. It’s only been a week but hopefully it lasts, because constantly feeling gross and bloated from over eating obviously just feels horrible.

android 9/16/2019 - 9:46 am

With the food i go thru ups and downs… for a while im able to save and not eat out or eat healthier in general but this past week i got kinda hopeful about some stuff and i already made a rule to myself about not being hopeful so as not to dissapoint myself or someone else… so i got upset for breaking my own rule and i crashed for a whole week pretty much… but yeah im reaching the point of just feeling gross with junk food so maybe ill bounce back

Ennui 9/16/2019 - 10:02 am

yes it’s difficult not to crash everytime I disappoint myself, and when you start binge eating it’s difficult to stop

Weird Vibes 9/12/2019 - 1:16 pm

I’m the same, no personality whats so ever.I get so bored of my self and this incessant underlying feeling of what I am. I guess I feel like I’m nothing. New experiences don’t change me so I think what’s the point? I don’t look forward to anything and I look back to the past and I’ve been this way since I remember. I don’t understand the social world and the conversations that people have, how are they satisfied and not bored? I don’t get it. The only rare release I get if when I have an epiphany or insight to what I am or how the world works. I’m extremely pretencious, I feel I’m either below people or above them. I have no humanity. I try and find it everyday but nothing ever comes. I’m miserable and have no internal light. I sometimes get glimmers but it’s too short lived. Sorry for the rambling and going on about myself. I could relate to your post.

android 9/16/2019 - 7:23 am

I completely feel the pretentious/feeling below thing. Even thou i see those thoughts passing thru my head i still cant help it. Its a weird thing, ive been thinking alot about it lately… like where does it come from for me….have you?

Weird Vibes 9/16/2019 - 11:07 am

Yeah I’ve thought about it a lot and have gone insane a few times trying to get answers from family and stuff. I just don’t know tbh. I have a weird relationship with my mum and don’t know if that’s got anything to do with it. Like I never bonded with her. I feel like I’m dying on the inside sometimes.

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