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now that im sober and depression has kicked back in…

by 404

i have 2 friends. one i dont talk to anymore but i will never forget. he moved away when we were in school together. but thats aside the point. my bf at the time had betrayed me. he told our friends about my depression. i didnt want to here it. i didnt want to be there. so i walked away. my friend came running after me. i knew he was there but i didnt turn around. i didnt want to hear it. he grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me around. he hugged me and then help me at arms reach with his hands on my shoulders begging me not to. “please dont do it. i already lost one friend” i never thought someone would care that much. every now and again i get this crazy idea in my mind that i should message him but in case i do go through with it…its best if he doesnt know. my other friend lost someone close to him too. and he worries about me everyday although lately i feel like ive been more of a problem than anything. my drinking and drug consumption has been getting worse to go beside my depression. and he hates it. hates IT not me. he gets why i do it but he also knows that doesnt make it right. and last night in my drunken stone state i fucked up like always. hes still sleeping but should be waking up within the next hour but will i want to talk to him….thats a difficult question. i always want to talk to him. hes an awesome person to vent to and he always listens. all i have to do is say “i need you” and hes right there but i feel so horrible and like maybe its time for our friendship to part ways. plus we dont really have things to talk about and i dont want to just talk about depression all the time thats depressing. honestly though if it were up to me id just get a shitty little apartment and live there alone with whatever booze and drugs i can get. with a stupid basic job to pay for them. however SOME people wont allow that. i need a little home and a little bakery. although these are things i want and are things i can get, Whats the point? who cares? once im dead.. no one will give a fuck. and once the people who care about me die there will be absolutely nothing left. please leave me alone to get drunk stoned and die.

 

i think i went off topic a bit. oh well lol

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20 comments

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 12:11 pm

you want to get a bakery, like start your own one? that sounds fun, I’ll work for you and you can vent to me all day, I’d never get annoyed – everything will pass right through my emotionless imperturbable heart:)

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 12:20 pm

yes start my own. i love baking its my “happy place” until someone suggests something without me asking for it then they get a “fuck off” look and i never here from them again lol
he never gets annoyed if anything im more annoyed by me than he is lol thanks for the offer though ill keep it in mind 🙂

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 1:08 pm

haha I also find cooking/ baking relaxing, generally any mundane task tbh I’ve always found the idea of having a little bakery romantic

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 1:34 pm

i always thought it cute. a little old fashion bakery where it smells AWESOME and everyones happy and smiling. ahhhhhhhhh 🙂

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 1:37 pm

yess! close to where I stay in Kalk Bay South Africa there is this perfect one called Olympia bakery and it’s so cute and there’s origami butterflies on the walls and the sell the perfect ham and cheese croissants with mustard seeds in ah, my dream….

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 1:40 pm

butterflies are so cute. i was thinking about making the colors purple red and while. because purples my favorite color and the rest just seems to match lol

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 1:42 pm

can we please have some light blue and powder pink ones as well? it will be sooo pretty

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:13 pm

Ooooo pretty colors.

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 1:50 pm

oh and about your friend, I would say talk to him be completely honest with him, tell him how much it means to you that he listens to your rants and sticks by you through the shit. That’s all people need, just to know they are appreciated. Anyway, that’s just my advice

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:12 pm

Thanks and he already knows

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:37 pm

I got to thinking about it..can we talk? I would like someone else’s opinion but not on a public forum.

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 2:40 pm

Anytime:)

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:42 pm

Facebook?

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 2:45 pm

I don’t have social media… have email, was thinking of getting twitter, can you private chat on twitter?

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:46 pm

No idea but I can get your email off the site. I only have email and fb and I only have fb so I can talk to my family in another province lol I hate social media

Ennui 8/25/2019 - 2:48 pm

wait so can I share my email address with you without actually posting it publicly?

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:48 pm

No….ill email you and explain lol

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 2:52 pm

There ya go 🙂

rocketman 8/25/2019 - 5:46 pm

I myself would like to see you get your bakery one day, and you should do it for you.

Hope Dream Love 8/25/2019 - 5:57 pm

ill keep that in mind 🙂

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