Sameness

I feel like every day is the same. Every task feels the same. Whether it’s work or friends or gaming it all feels… well, the same. Except the self destructive things. Because wallowing in my despair is better than what I normally feel (I don’t even know how that is possible), and over eating distracts me from the sameness. I haven’t self harmed in years but it’s been on my mind a lot recently, and I feel like I might break that promise to myself again. I just want the sameness to end, the emptyness to end. The pain to end. I don’t want to be here anymore. And I don’t know an acceptable way to do that.