I need to kill myself before summer. And it’s all because of fucking cutting. Like yes I want to kill myself real bad but it’s different now. Because now it’s not just a want it’s a need too. And there’s a time frame on it and I’m running out of time. It doesn’t fucking help that I’m sitting here fucking dripping with blood either but I figure fuck it. I’m gonna die before anyone sees the destruction I’ve made of my body. I need to go and I need to go fast.
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why do you need to?
So that I can keep my secret of cutting a secret and summer will be bring that secret out…
Hi,
If there’s anything I can do, please tell me.
Thankyou 🙂
I’ve been cutting for far too long. And summers are horrible. Sadly I can’t tell you they will ever be the same now, but they are at least survivable. You can keep your body covered, people will question you, and it will be hot and uncomfortable but it’ll keep things covered…. Swimming will be probably out of the question, a lot of things will be. I’ve at least always been one to stay inside though, so I got less questions especially since I swapped over to long sleeved night shirts so I was just wearing my lounge clothes when wearing sleeves inside, and of course lounge pants are long too…. I imagine since it’s approaching summer for you you are likely from Australia, so your summer is probably going to be very hot…. I’m sorry 🙁
It won’t be fun, but you can make it through summer without your secret becoming known to others…. If you can let things heal up enough you may even maybe be able to start thinking about other concealment options outside of clothes…. I hope I’m not just being annoying though. Good luck.
Thanks for this, it’s comforting to know someone has experienced the same thing as I’m about to. And yes I’m from Australia so summers here are always over 40 degrees which im pretty sure is like 110 in Fahrenheit.
Ya I’ve been trying to commit suicide for 15 years, but I haven’t done it yet. I know how perfect and wonderful it sounds to just kill yourself and be done with it, but mostly you’ll end up staying for just no reason at all. I’ve had no reason to stay for all 15 of those years but I haven’t killed myself yet… I don’t know why either. I think I want to, but I don’t do it because right now it’s kind of awkward. Even if I decided today right now that I’d kill myself today – it wouldn’t get done because I’d chicken out, and then I would continue chickening out for the next 15 years. I hope I kill myself soon though. I hate everyone I have ever met and I hate being alive.. Nothing to stay alive for at all, but still scary to die.
15 years is a long time, I hope you are receiving some kind of help because it seems like living with wanting to kill yourself for that long is difficult, I would think so anyway. It’s the opposite for me though, in the past 2 years I’ve tried to kill myself at least 10 times I think…
I have been struggling with self harm for 5 years now, I feel like I can’t live without hurting myself, and that is the worst part. I do try coping skills, but it never helps in the end I hurt myself. But yeah it feels like suicide is a need and not a want anymore…