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Something that struck a cord within me

by mhm1000

“I can feel myself dissolving, but I’m too tired to care… this music is nice, I’ll just lay here for a bit.”

 

I dunno. I can’t tell anyone I know about how I feel because they don’t take it seriously. I don’t blame them; imagine being a teenager and a friend tells you that they don’t want to live anymore. It would be stressful. I don’t want my burdens to be on others, and I am going to therapy, but I just wish I had a friend who understood that I just want to talk and chill about feelings and meaningless bullshit. I don’t need the same old, sappy line or those things that everyone says because they don’t know what to say: Suicide is a heavy word. “You have so much to live for,” is a common thing I hear if I confide in someone. The thing is, I want to take my life because I feel like I have nothing to live for.

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12 comments

rocketman 8/16/2019 - 8:06 am

Remember when talking to people about depressing stuff they like you are trying to cope with the world as well, they might listen for a bit but give a little advice and want to return to their world, you can’t blame them for that.
In the end it’s up to you to create a reason to live for and it doesn’t have to be what is depressing you.

mhm1000 8/16/2019 - 9:46 am

Of course, I don’t want my problems to become another persons burden.

rocketman 8/16/2019 - 10:40 am

Your very thoughtful, i didn’t mean you i was talking in general reminding myself as well.

Azazel 8/16/2019 - 12:25 pm

Reaching out to people can be tough. Its hard for people who havent been through depression and suicidal thoughts to understand what you are dealing with. And of those people its hard to find ones that can take listening while dealing with their own stuff.
For what its worth, im here to talk and help you out if you need it. It sounds like you need to know your not alone in the world, like you need a human connection? At least thats what i need lol.
Peace and love.

mhm1000 8/16/2019 - 12:40 pm

yeah, i suppose. it gets especially bad in the summer because im not in school so im not socializing every day with acquaintances; i have, like 3, very close friends, one is just as depressed as me, the other can barely talk because her father hates me, and the other is just… fading away. im terrified of feeling lonely.

Azazel 8/16/2019 - 12:47 pm

The lack of social situations where we can socialize outside of school or work can be stressful. Makes you feel completely isolated. Its like one day waking up to find you’re blind. A big part of your life is gone along with part of what makes you, you. We are a reflection of those we hang around with. At a time of personal growth such as being a teenager. Loosing those people is a loss of identity in a way.
Perhaps clubs outside of school would be a way of making friends for now?
Why does your friends father hate you?
Peace & Love,
A.

mhm1000 8/16/2019 - 1:05 pm

it’s kind of funny actually, he won’t let her hang out with me and if i do manage to come over, he’ll act like an ass. he doesn’t like me because he thinks i’m gonna change his daughter into a lesbian, even though she’s straight asf.

Azazel 8/16/2019 - 1:58 pm

Of course you will, everyone knows lesbianism is contagious right? Like cooties when we were young but like a superbug version?? Tho tbf with him as a male role model..

rocketman 8/16/2019 - 12:49 pm

I really don’t know anyone that wants to be lonely! I don’t 🙂 Things change over time, one day your lonely next thing you know people are all around you and you can’t get away from them!

Azazel 8/16/2019 - 12:53 pm

True, theres always people around. Especially in hot tub party’s ?

mhm1000 8/16/2019 - 1:07 pm

true, true. but since I’m not an adult, i can’t just go out, you know? theres no bar for teenagers lmao

rocketman 8/16/2019 - 2:04 pm

Well if you don’t mind me saying that’s another thing when your young your really not in control of your whole situation things change when you become of age. waiting is a ***** but it’s worth waiting for, So you do have something to look forward to.

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