Anyone else ever wish they were still severely suicidal so at least their life would seem to have some meaning? I’ve gotten therapy and help so dying no longer seems like something I’m always thinking about and always wanting. But now I’m just left with this feeling that I don’t really want anything. I always feel like I’m just taking up space without doing anything. But there’s nothing I’m working towards or wanting to do either. I’m just a living shell. I should be happy, but I’m not. More recently I was doing some research. I don’t know if something’s wrong with me or if my brain just likes getting attention, but sometimes things don’t feel right. The two closest things I’ve found to explain this feeling are childhood emotional neglect or repressed memories as both seem to fit the symptoms I have. But at the same time I feel like if I bring this up with anyone I’m just asking for attention. One time when I started thinking maybe I’d had some level of emotional abuse and my mom saw something I wrote she showed me twenty or so sites with kids who have actually been abused and explained to me how easy my life has been. I know I have no right or reason to have depression or anxiety because she’s right. My life has been so easy and everything I could ever want is at my fingertips. Is this normal? Or do I just want attention?
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“I feel like if I bring this up with anyone I’m just asking for attention” you can talk to me about it. I’d love to hear. My mother abused me.
Like. I have a few memories of my mom screaming at me for little things and stuff like that. And I remember she went to anger management. But I only have one or two of these memories and otherwise don’t remember much of my childhood. I don’t know if this is normal or if it’s possible I’ve purposefully forgotten stuff.
It’s highly possible. I had someone threaten to rape me (it was more than that but I’ll keep that basic as I’m not quite ready to talk about it) and i forgot the next day and went back to hanging out with him like it never happened.
But at the same time I worry that I’m just making up these things because I’ve heard about them happening and all of a sudden my brain decides that those things happened to me too.
The brain can do that too
I guess I just worry that if the feelings I have don’t mean what I think they may that I’ll end up being that kind of horrible person who goes like “oh your best friend died, yeah my friend’s cat died last week”. And honestly I’d rather die than turn into that kind of a person
Have you seen a therapist about it? Maybe it’s a big puzzle you have to put together.
I personally have a blank space in my memory banks of like to keep that way. For all I know it’s nothing however the possibility it is I’d like to not remember.
I’ve never talked about it because I worry it’s nothing and it’ll get me in more trouble for saying things that aren’t true and be made into a liar.
A therapist might be able to help you with that. Just be careful. Some therapists are drug happy. You should try to find one that’s more therapy happy. I know I got a therapist 1) to make others happy and 2) to be able to get my thoughts all together.
Yeah. Thanks random person on the internet. You ever need to talk about anything just let me know.
Lol you’re welcome
Yee ever wanna chat let me know and I can give you my email
Yeah we can talk. Why not give me your email now to save from the hassle later?
shannonspiritwraith@gmail.com
And email sent lol
Same.
I never confided anything in my parents but once I mustered up the courage to tell them I’m suicidal, and they later insinuated that I did so to emotionally manipulate them. Needless to say, after that I never confided anything in them again. Now I feel like an attention whore whenever I open up about difficulties so I just rather don’t, instead making a joke of it.
However, I’m not severely suicidal anymore either, and I get what you mean, now I’m just aimlessly drifting through life, being very irresponsible along the way as I don’t mind terrible things happening – at least it’s a break from the mundanity of life.
Yeah I understand that. I don’t necessarily do anything irresponsible but it just feels like I’m always going through the motions without living.
I’ve always been the kind to forget about it, and leave it far far far in the past in order to move far beyond childhood. It’s a different world out there now and definitely a different life, almost entirely.