my sister emailed me today, the first time we’ve talked in almost a year. we didn’t talk for over a year when, last christmas, she came up to me where i was hiding in my room upstairs away from everyone. i told her i didn’t want anything to do with my abusive brother and that i wasn’t going to have anything to do with anyone who didn’t respect that.
in short, she didn’t, and i have just grown used to not talking to any of my four siblings.
so my sister emailed me today, and i am going to just ignore it. i brought it up to my parents, asking them to not tell my siblings my business or what’s going on with my life, and i think i broke my moms heart. when i told her i don’t care to have my siblings in my life, i don’t think i’ve ever seen anyone’s face look quite like that.
the world will rejoice when i am dead.
i really don’t see any way past these issues other than death. my mental illnesses preclude any kind of long term functional independence let alone financial independence. i am a cyst on god’s balls waiting to be popped. i am a rat in the walls with nowhere to run but into the cat’s claws. i am a sad facsimile of personhood.