I’m afraid of myself.
I’m so mean
But i’ve Always had the healthy fear of the adults controlling my life up to this point keeping me from trying anything. I’m 18 now. Nobody will be able to force me into therapy if they notice the slits, nobody will be able to make me go to a mental hospital if they find out I’m suicidal again. And that is a relief but also really terrifying. Because the thoughts swarm my brain and won’t leave me alone for anything. There’s nothing keeping me from stepping to the edge now. I’ve run away, put myself in a questionable financial situation, and can’t find a job because they all refuse to call me the right pronouns or name just because I haven’t gotten it legally changed. My parents show visible irritation when I ask them not to call me that old painful name. Nobody will ever take me seriously. What’s the fucking point. I want to quit.