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Less afraid

by an_actual_leg

I’m afraid of myself.

I’m so mean

But i’ve Always had the healthy fear of the adults controlling my life up to this point keeping me from trying anything. I’m 18 now. Nobody will be able to force me into therapy if they notice the slits, nobody will be able to make me go to a mental hospital if they find out I’m suicidal again. And that is a relief but also really terrifying. Because the thoughts swarm my brain and won’t leave me alone for anything. There’s nothing keeping me from stepping to the edge now. I’ve run away, put myself in a questionable financial situation, and can’t find a job because they all refuse to call me the right pronouns or name just because I haven’t gotten it legally changed. My parents show visible irritation when I ask them not to call me that old painful name. Nobody will ever take me seriously. What’s the fucking point. I want to quit.

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Cause of Death: Suicide 9/28/2019 - 10:41 pm

I understand what you are going through, I also thought when I turned 18 I wouldn’t be forced by strangers into hospitals but I was very wrong……. hospital visits all did much much more harm than good…… I am a homosexual and I always get called a ‘he’ when I am a female (XX) , but I was unemployed for 4 years because of my gender, sexuality but finally I got a job because the boss happened to be a homosexual too!! Everyone else is very discriminating. I don’t blame them though because I wouldn’t want to work for that type anyhow. I am 25 and don’t care to work at all, however it did get me a new car. (It’s always kind of been my goal to leave my old life behind and drive away and basically live with very little money in a car somewhere remote, or build up a small cabin)

Ladybugluvr99 9/28/2019 - 11:49 pm

Medication helps, I have a shit load of misdemeanors on my record from 3 duis to two petty thefts …………….

Cause of Death: Suicide 10/1/2019 - 2:36 am

When did you get all those charges? Yuck! What a joke, police and security are. What a very worthless sector of jobs. I mean think about it, some crimes are literally just people driving in their car. I’ve been charged up to 10,000$ just for driving in the car lmao. I’m like “oops pls forgive my crime of driving down the road, I don’t have $10,000 mate!!”

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